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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Network and invest in yourself and your future. Accept any criticism good friends offer, and hone your skills and presentation until they are picture perfect. Social activities will be excellent.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t be a follower. Use your better judgment, and do what you feel is appropriate. Avoid any conflicts at home or work by staying on top of your duties and offering assistance wherever you can. Keep a relationship you have a secret for now.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t let confusion stand in your way. Be straightforward with everyone. Let your intuition guide you, even if your heart and emotions are pulling you in the opposite direction.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Do everything you can to advance. You will get the edge over anyone competing with you for the same position, contract, or deal. An unusual partnership will form.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t get depressed about the things that haven’t happened yet. Focus on the possibilities. Jump at the chance to make changes. Someone you are worried about will give you something that will help you move forward with your plans.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t shut down when you should be opening up. Say what’s on your mind. Once you have aired your true assessment, you will get the help you require and a much better response than you are expecting.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Take part in an event or activity you feel strongly about. You will make new friends who inspire you to continue with your personal and professional plans. Someone you are close to may not understand your reasoning. Don’t let this person hold you back.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Oversee anything you ask someone else to do. Expect to be sabotaged by the person you expect to be in your corner. The people most interested in what you are doing may not be on your team. Change your living arrangements to make your space more conducive to productivity.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Money can be made, deals can be signed, but have a plan in place so you don’t overspend or overindulge. There is a lot to learn about the way you deal with others and with your money. Avoid gambling.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You need a break, and now is as good a time as any to travel to old familiar places. It will give you a chance to develop some of your more obscure ideas and plans for the future and the opportunity to hook up with old friends.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Someone may upset you if you don’t compromise or do things according to plan. You can make a serious commitment, but do so for the right reasons. Arguments will not solve the problems you face.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Mix business with pleasure — you will open up new avenues of communication and possibilities for forming alliances. Don’t lend or borrow money, and avoid a partnership with someone who wants a bigger slice of the pie.





Overheard at Iowa

Girl 1: Did you see “Grey’s Anatomy” the other night?

Girl 2: Yeah. It was pretty intense.

Girl 1: I know! After watching it, I think I’ve realized being a doctor is way too hard. I have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow to change my major.

—Life imitating television can be dangerous when television gets this stupid.

(Overheard by Sam Boge)

Hey guys, watch your friend. I need to go buy a pack of cigarettes, he’s really drunk, and I think he might donate to Dance Marathon. Whatever you do, DO NOT let him donate to Dance Marathon!

—Because it’s like saying “I love you” for the first time; it doesn’t mean anything if you’re drunk.

(Overheard by Jorge Naranjo)

Boy: Hey. Is today Tuesday?

Girl: Yep.

Boy: [Expletive!]

Girl: What?

Boy: I slept through Monday.

—In college, every weekend has the chance of becoming a three-day weekend.

(Overheard by Olivia Bachar)

“That’s what we *do* in college. We pay attention to things that don’t necessarily matter.”

—Shakespeare professor, in response to class complaints that the discussion was petty.

(Overheard by Melissa Brockway)

Professor: The monkeys use this call when raptors are flying overheard. [Monkey call is played.]

Girl in class: Raptors? What in the HELL are dinosaurs doing in the jungle?!

—What happens when too many average books are made into good movies. (Overheard by Sarah Borland)

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