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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Put your skills to the test, and you will excel. Getting all worked up over what others say or do will be a waste of time and could hold you back or affect your status. Stay calm, and speak with authority.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Push for what you want. Don’t count on others to know the ins and outs of what you are doing or to give you the benefit of a doubt. You have to take a lead position, or someone who opposes you will.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Take the initiative to raise issues that have been bothering you. Taking on too much or being pressured to do so will leave you in a compromising position. Love is in the stars; it should be on your agenda.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You’ll tend to be emotional, sensitive, and uncertain regarding your personal relationships. An opportunity to try something new will lead to a better position or a change in the way you do your job. Deal with problems swiftly.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t mess with rules and regulations, or you will have to face a critical individual who can affect your position. Spending on something you don’t need will lead you to deception. Focus on work and making more cash.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Take one step at a time, and do your best to stay in control. Sudden, unexpected changes will come your way, so be ready to deal with them immediately. Networking will ensure you have other opportunities should a problem develop with someone for whom you are working.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Do what you say without hesitation, or you may be criticized. You may not be able to make all the changes necessary at home, but you can start to talk about your plans. A chance to make some creative personal changes is apparent.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t let anyone get the better of you by making you angry. A practical and rational approach will enable you to handle the situation with dignity and grace. Diplomacy will impress others.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your experience will help you out now. Someone you love and trust will be able to help you see things from a better perspective. A solution can be found as long as you don’t overreact or overindulge.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Refuse to let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t feel right about. Come up with alternative ideas that will allow you to spread around the responsibilities. If you delegate, you will remain in control.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you need help, ask for it. A new plan will help you make decisions about your future that can lead to higher income and a better sense of what you are capable of doing. Separate yourself from negative people.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Take control and offer solutions. Be upfront about what it will cost to implement your plans. Take the attitude that less is more, and you will even win over your toughest critic.

 

 

 

 


My answers to SkyMall’s rhetorical advertising questions

Q: No time to read?
A: Obviously I have the time; what I appear to lack is worthwhile material.

Q: Tired of throwing money away on bad wine?
A: No.

Q: Should G-Defy [spring-loaded footwear] be banned from athletic competition?
A: I confess that I lack the necessary credentials to weigh-in on that decision.

Q: What would be better than a planter and trellis in one?
A: A lot of things, quite frankly. Your narrow-minded focus on gardening at the detriment of an improved economy or world peace is, to state it lightly, off-putting.

Q: Need a lift?
A: Sure. I mean, my car works fine and all, but carpooling is better for the environment.

Q: What about your breathing muscles?
A: What about them, *SkyMall*?

Q: Why spend hours scrubbing concrete and applying paint and epoxy?
A: It’s a documented, diagnosed psychiatric illness, and I’ll thank you to quit making fun of me for it.

Q: Need a different size?
A: That’s a bit personal, don’t you think?
Q: Below them is a heart, and the initials inside are … yours?
A: Um … you’re scaring me, dude.

Q: Craving a little recognition? Someone who gets your jokes?
A: Argh! Get out of my head, *SkyMall*!









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