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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Do whatever it takes to ensure better health, finances, and future. People you have worked with in the past will join forces to develop a new project. Expand your interests, and make what you do best count.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t give your secrets away. Holding on to what you know may be your only defense if you are challenged. Protect and preserve what you’ve worked so hard to acquire.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You hold the key to your future and must work hard to make your dreams come true. There is plenty to work with if you open your eyes, use your imagination, and strive for perfection. This is not the time to be a follower.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Someone may take advantage of you emotionally if you are too open about your likes and dislikes. Honesty is a good thing but not when it is being used against you. Don’t let anyone hold you back.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t let your heart rule your head, especially where partnerships and money are concerned. If someone gives you an ultimatum, it will be your cue to walk away. Don’t let a past partnership interfere with what you have or what you want in the future.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You can settle old arguments and finish jobs that you left undone as long as you do so on your own terms. There is money to be made if you take a practical approach to an idea you have been toying with for some time.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): An unexpected decision that affects your job — or the rules and regulations you are used to dealing with — will leave you wondering what to do next. Don’t let uncertainty frighten you into making a snap decision that may not suit you later.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Take control, and work hard to follow through with old projects. You must not give up on something you have already put so much into. Travel, communication, and interacting with others will lead to your success.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Get busy instead of hanging around waiting for someone to do the work for you. It’s important that you show how industrious you can be. It’s your efforts that will impress people, not giving orders. Love is on the rise.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don’t overload your mind with trivialities. Be concise if you want to get ahead. Mistakes will leave you vulnerable, but the time to make unexpected changes that will take others by surprise is now.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Refuse to let others dictate what you can and cannot do. Focus on what counts and what will get you ahead. Now is not the time to slip back into old habits that will set you back and hurt the people who love you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Someone else may have an interesting idea, but it probably isn’t as good as your own. Invest in yourself. A contract or negotiation will turn in your favor if you hold out for what you want.





Overheard at Iowa

Girl: You believe in Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer? That’s stupid!
Boy: It’s called bioluminescence! It can happen!
— Burge discussion of how Darwinism can explain Christmas mutations. (Overheard by Kendall McCabe)

Drunk guy: Girl, you are a rose in a field of daisies!
Hot mess: Awww. Well, you are daisy in a field of roses!!
— It’s the thought that counts, provided there is any. (Overheard by Brianne Duncan)

Guy 1: Dude, is a stork a REAL bird, or did they just, like, make it up for the whole baby thing?
Guy 2: Nah, dude. They totally just made it up.
— The “Avoid the Stork” campaign is not stimulating the type of conversations it intended. (Overheard by Meggie Gannon)

Professor: What do car dealers try to do to people?
Student: Screw them.
Professor: Do you know any car dealers?
Student: Yeah, my sister dates one.
— Some tactics work better than others. (Overheard by Rich Gaul)

[Guy wearing sunglasses enters class very late.]
Professor: Hey, you shouldn’t party during the week.
Guy wearing sunglasses: It wasn’t much of a party. It was just about sex.
— If you’re going to be late to class, have a good excuse. (Overheard by Mauricio Monsalve Moreno)

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