Top 25 intramural basketball team names

BY DI STAFF | JANUARY 29, 2010 7:30 AM

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Intramural basketball season begins this weekend, and the DI intramual sports staff has undertaken the task of ranking the top 25 team names of squads competing in this year’s leagues.

All names were approved by Recreational Services.

No. 25: Defenestrators (Co-Rec) — Definition: To throw someone out of a window. Don’t make this team mad.

No. 24: Cash Money Records (Men’s) —Starting lineup: Birdman, Bow Wow, Jay Sean, Drake, and Lil’ Wayne. Kevin Rudolf 6th man.

No. 23: Johnlick (Men’s) — The list didn’t go all the way to 34, so of course we gave him Jordan’s number.

No. 22: Beer View Mirrors (Co-Rec) — Could this be the Summit Scum’s back in action?

No. 21: Four Skins (Men’s) — The first of many, many phallic jokes to come.

No. 20: Ball Beaters (Co-Rec) — The second of many, many phallic jokes to come.

No. 19: Gilbert’s Six Shooters and Gilbert’s Safety Lock and Gilbert’s Gun (Men’s)— Three different teams, and I would shoot all of them “in their bad knee.”

No. 18: Wu’s Crew (Men’s) — Wu, Wu, Wu, Kenny Wu’s crew!

No. 17: Saved by the Bench (Co-Rec) — In researching a quip, our staff learned that Zach Morris’ jersey number was 25, and A.C. Slater’s was 23.

No. 16: IC Balls (Men’s) — Basketballs. Seriously, they’re talking about basketballs.

No. 15: Guidettes (Women’s) — Mike “The Situation” will probably be creeping on the players.

No. 14: Pen 15 Club (Men’s) — Just write Pen 15 on your hand to join.

No. 13: Lickliter This (Men’s) — Or maybe not. It’s cool either way.

No. 12: Donaghy’s Moneylines (Men’s) — Gambling on intramural sports is also illegal.

No. 11: Kevin Garnutt (Men’s) — Formerly Patrick Chewing, this team also considered Caramel Anthony.

No. 10: Slum Dunk Millionaires (Women’s) — Instead of throwing ally-oops, they’ll throw Jai Hos.

No. 9: The Rim Jobs (Men’s) — Not even close to the most offensive name on the list.

No. 8: Caucasian Invasion (Men’s) — A team filled with Brian Scalabrines?

No. 7: 319 Your Mom (Men’s) — This was staff veteran Brendan Stiles’ favorite team.

No. 6: The Ballacaust (Men’s) —Still too soon.

No. 5: MBA Jam (Men’s) — The winner for most clever use of a major and a classic videogame.

No. 4: H1 and 1 (Men’s) — It’s a basketball pundemic!

No. 3: The Magic Johnsons (Men’s) — I think this is what Harry Potter calls his wand.

No. 2: 4 Jerks and A Dribble — A couple pump fakes and an air ball.

No. 1: Chris Kaman Yo Face — They’re actually shortening it to “Chris Kaman,” but just know that this was the intention.

Honorable Mentions: Globo Gym Purple Cobras, Miller Time, Team Shawn Kemp, Thunder Down Under, Tune Squad.

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