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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You have to put more time and effort into enjoying life and less into worrying about the things you cannot change. Love will help give you the strength and courage to surpass the people who have hurt you personally or professionally.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Taking on problems that don’t belong to you is pointless. Give more time and effort to your own accomplishments. A personal problem will leave you feeling confused. Make whatever adjustments are necessary.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t let someone’s change of plans cause you to alter what you intend to do. An offer being made will not be as good as it first appears. Get the lowdown on what’s actually expected of you before you make a commitment.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Let everyone know where you stand so you can get matters resolved and move on to bigger and better things. Avoid taking on a burden or responsibility that will cause you to miss out on a chance of a lifetime.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You may be tempted to travel for love or money, but in the end, it will be a waste of your time. Put your time into constructive, professional pursuits. Don’t limit the possibilities by making poor choices.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t let your emotions get in the way of what needs to be done. You have plenty of options that can lead to some interesting and fruitful endeavors if you keep a sound mind and realistic outlook. Social networking will pay off.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): An emotional matter will bring to the surface issues that need to be addressed. A romantic relationship can help you determine how you want to handle the personal and professional problems you face and the decisions you need to make.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Look at your situation realistically. If you allow someone you love to talk you into something you aren’t ready to do, you will have regrets that will lead to a breakdown of your relationship. Change is needed but must be a positive endeavor.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You won’t be able to handle emotional turmoil in a practical manner. Don’t let someone coerce you into making a promise you know you will not keep. A partnership you’ve been considering will determine how much you can do.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A change will be as good as a rest. Visit an old friend or a destination that brings you great joy and relaxation. You need time to think about how you are going to take care of some of the responsibilities heading your way.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don’t slip into the same old routine when you can be and do so much more. Look to someone you respect to help you move forward instead of stagnating and making the same mistakes over again. Do what needs to be done.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don’t let erratic behavior be your downfall. If you are unfair or think you deserve more than everyone else, you will find yourself on a slippery slope, losing your fair share and not getting anything at all.

 

 

 

 


Additional helpful excuses for not doing your homework this semester

• I donated it to a needy student in the class. You can pay it forward by giving me an A.

• I was at a demonstration calling for higher salaries for UI professors.

• Can anybody ever really “know” the “answers” to homework, professor?

• I’d like to, but that would really cut into my not-doing-homework time.

• It’s genetic. Both of my parents hated homework, so I hate homework. You wouldn’t give me an “F” based on the color of my hair, skin, or eyes, so drop this unwarranted and close-minded inquiry as to the whereabouts of my homework or you can expect a call from the ACLU, bigot.

• Sure, today it’s homework, but what about next week? You might ask me for a report or a paper, or maybe even a class project. No, no, no. We’re heading down a slippery slope here, and I have no intention of enabling you.

• I already did one homework assignment from you. Isn’t that enough proof that I know how to do homework? I think you might have a mild form of OCD or something.

• I’m union, lady.

• I have been diagnosed with graphophobia, the fear of writing. Please make a note of it — NO, WAIT, DON’T!

• I didn’t want to make all the other students look stupid.

• I burned it to keep it from falling into enemy hands.

• Doing homework brings back too many painful memories; my parents were killed by a rogue homework assignment.

• Nobody in my WoW raid knew any of the answers.

• You didn’t say “please.”









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