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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Observation will spare your making a costly mistake. You should be able to come out ahead if you budget, are thrifty, and balance your checkbook. A little romance will help you stabilize an important relationship.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Take control; don’t leave anything to chance. You can make great strides if you are confident and act accordingly. An emotional change will occur. Travel and communication can clear up a matter that has concerned you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You will recognize your true feelings regarding someone you have known for quite some time. Once you know where you stand, you will be able to plan for the future without questioning whether you are making the right move.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Use your imagination and offer something unique that will set you apart from any competition you face. A relationship that has suffered problems can be dealt with now if you are firm in the way you discuss the pending issues.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Develop a better relationship with someone you work with or for, and you will discover interesting new ways to approach the jobs you are assigned. You can make some extra cash outside of your normal work routine. A love relationship will venture into new territory.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): An open discussion will provide you with plenty to think about and the chance to incorporate something very unique into your plans. An agreement can be made if you network with people who can help you get some of your ideas off the ground.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You need a change of pace. Too many obligations have limited what you can and cannot do. You must ease your stress by passing some of the responsibilities you’ve taken on to someone else. Cut ties with anyone trying to pressure you.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Look at every angle possible, and you can come up with a positive way to get what you want. Don’t rely on anyone who is making impossible promises. Your problem-solving skills will lure others into helping you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your behavior will make someone you are close to suspicious. Answer any questions honestly or prepare to move on. Greater problems will develop if you make a commitment you don’t plan to keep.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Question your feelings and motives before you make a decision or promise someone something you may not want to live up to. A past partner may spark memories you’d like to relive. Take a second look at an old situation before making a life-altering decision.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s time to update your look and gear up for new beginnings. An opportunity will arise if you do your best to help someone out. Stability will be a key factor when it comes to getting what you want.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Your emotional outlook will take someone by surprise but, as long as you are happy with what you are doing, you will come out on top. It may be time to part ways with individuals who are not on the same page as you.

 

 

 

 


Helpful excuses for not doing your homework this semester

• My dog and I got into an existential argument over my homework.

• I realized “My dog ate my homework” was an anagram for “My God ate my homework.” I mean, like, whoa.

• On advice from counsel, I will make no further comments about this situation until authorities have made a full investigation.

• I refuse to do any homework assigned by a dirty, no-good Leno-lover. GO TEAM COCO!

• I have a rule. If the drink specials at SpoCo are more enticing than my homework, I belly up to the bar. See you in May.

• Just make a few age-appropriate complaints about the lousy music kids listen to these days. [This will be more convincing if you can’t remember their names (e.g., Lady GewGaw, Cain West, T-Ball, and Young Jay-Z).]

• Professorwithunrealisticexpectationssayswhat?

• I judge homework assignments on a case-by-case basis. So far, I feel the homework you’ve been assigning does not illustrate your best efforts. You’ll need to make some improvements before I can, in good conscience, consider handing anything in.

• Sure, I could do the homework, but wouldn’t you feel better about yourself if *you* did it?

• Allow me to refer you to my Calvin & Hobbes collection. Bill Watterson, via his 6-year-old alter ego, proved beyond any doubt that homework is unnecessary. Please, do not continue to besmirch his good name with your paltry “suggested readings.”

• I didn’t do this homework, but I want you to know that I will not rest until I find the students who did and see them brought to justice.

• I was up all night thinking of a good excuse.









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