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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You’ll feel stifled by the people around you and the demands being made. Acting harshly will backfire. Relationship problems will arise if professional responsibilities add pressure. Utilize your time wisely between work and home.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Even the people you least expect will cause problems or put pressure on you. Speaking up about the way you feel will not work in your favor. Let others do the talking for now.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t limit yourself when there is so much to gain by thinking big and going after your goals. Don’t let anyone hold you back or make you feel inadequate. If there is something you want to do, follow through.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You’ll face opposition if you are too pushy about how and what you want done around home. A professional change will allow you greater freedom to put your attributes to the test. Assess your personal relationships.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You’ll get the go-ahead you’ve been waiting for. Take a step toward greater financial security by refusing to support those who have been taking advantage of your generosity and good nature. It’s time to get serious about your future.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): A partnership may show signs of change, but before you reject what’s happening, consider what you can get out of the new ground rules. This is the perfect time for you to speak honestly.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you are to blame for something, own up fast, then put it behind you. The longer you try to shirk responsibility, the harder your task will become. A change in attitude will lead to greater acceptance and a brighter future.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You’ll have plenty of qualms regarding a situation you face at home. Don’t put up a fight when your best recourse is to keep working toward something worthwhile. Follow your own path, and you will send a strong message in your defense.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Focus on business meetings and travel, and you will be able to set up your agenda for the new year with confidence, knowing you will accomplish your goals. A change at home may be a bit of a shock, but you will realize it’s for the best.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Take a back seat; watch what everyone else is up to before making a statement or promise that may not end up being to your advantage. Your emotions will affect the decisions you make, causing problems for you later on.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Take a serious look at your financial situation. You should be able to set up a strict budget, enabling you to go into the new year with a workable game plan. Don’t let the festive season and spirited individuals tempt you to overspend, overindulge, or overdo.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Make plans to start a new health regime. A good idea can turn into extra cash if you go about it smartly. Share your intentions, and you will interest someone who is willing to put a little money behind you.

 

 

 

 


What I know about women:

• Women spend approximately the same amount of money on clothes, makeup, hair, and accessories as men do on women. That is why it’s imperative men not hassle women about overshopping; if they shopped any less, then our economy might go into another tailspin.

• Women change their minds frequently and without cause. They call it “a woman’s prerogative.” One moment, they may hate you. The next, you may be their knight in shining armor.

• Women don’t consider multiple, suppliant requests for pancakes as acceptable pillow talk.

• A woman's “biological clock” does not tick internally as an innocuous reminder of her ensuing deadline to procreate. Instead, it takes control of the woman, as a completely evolved second personality, drinking all the Riesling in the apartment, and maxing out several credit cards by buying designer chocolate and dieting books off of Amazon. … Or so I’ve been told. It’s not like that’s a real-world example based on my girlfriend or anything.

• Women, as a group, should sue Snapple because they are, without a doubt, made from the best stuff on Earth.









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