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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You may feel like being generous, but, this time, you should ask everyone to pitch in and help rather than taking on a burden all by yourself. You can pull things together and oversee what needs to be done without compromising your personal and professional obligations.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Question your motives before you start telling everyone what you plan to do. A power struggle is the last thing you need when there is so much at stake. Pressure and progress will go hand-in-hand.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Being frugal is the answer to moving ahead. Doing something for less will attract attention and potential business. A partnership can form, but it must be based on equality. Make romantic plans for two.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Calm down before you end up in a feud that ruins a relationship you cherish. Meddling or making false accusations may be tempting, but in the end, you will be the one blamed. Keep your personal and professional lives separate.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You should be making plans for the future that include a little fun and entertainment. Updating your look or improving your lifestyle will play out satisfactorily. The choices you make today don’t have to exclude anything or anyone.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t put up with someone trying to make decisions for you. Take matters into your own hands, and stand up for your concerns. Back away from anyone giving you an ultimatum. You can be the leader or the follower — the choice is yours.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Keep things simple if you want to avoid emotional turmoil. The less running about you have to do, the better your time will be spent. Don’t limit what you can do because you don’t want to ask for help.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Problems with elders in the family will mount if you don’t clear up a misunderstanding. You cannot trust what you are told or base what you do on what others want. Personal information must be kept a secret, or someone will use it against you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t make unpredictable moves because you are upset or don’t like what someone else is doing. Let whatever situation is bothering you play out. You are in a much better position than you realize.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): There is plenty to do before the year comes to a close with regard to your finances and your future plans. There will be an opportunity to lower your overhead if you are quick to respond to an offer made.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’ll be eager to take action when it comes to a personal relationship. Don’t let an emotional ploy stop you from following through with your plans. You have to satisfy your own needs before you can consider helping others.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Research will pay off. Ask questions if you don’t fully understand what’s expected of you. Before signing a contract or taking on a new challenge, consider if it’s worth your while. Don’t let uncertainty in an emotional relationship affect your decision.





Overheard at Iowa

“I didn’t wanna look for my bathroom key, so I just peed on the floor and went to bed.”
— A girl before Rhetoric class, henceforth known as “Party Champ.”
(Overheard by Marcus Klein)

Guy 1: Dude! Where were you?!
Guy 2: I dunno, but the food in the fridge was awesome!
— If you stock it, they will come.
(Overheard by David Lam-Lu)

“Just remember that while this quiz may have sucked, your day could always be worse!”

— A professor, while holding up a broken Walrus penis that healed crooked.
(Overheard by Anonymous)

“I don’t see what’s so appealing about an apple pie. Scalding hot apple filling? Also, it doesn’t even feel like the real thing.”

— Why Calculus TAs shouldn’t be allowed to watch movies by themselves.
(Overheard by Nick Leytem)

Girl 1: It’s not like it was pot or anything, just a little cocaine.
Girl 2: That’s OK, then; cocaine’s not as illegal as pot.

— Munchie discussion at the Burge Market Place, and technically … she’s right.
(Overheard by Ben Bordeaux)

“These jammies have a butt flap! I’m totally buying them!”
— Iowa girls learn early how to plan ahead.
(Overheard by Megan Logan)

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