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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Take on a new attitude when it comes to money and what you are going to do with it. Get involved in something you can turn into a profit. Don’t let someone who doesn’t agree with your plans to hold you back.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Someone isn’t telling you the truth. Dig deep to find out all the facts before you make a decision that will change your future. Letting your emotions get the better of you may cost you financially and personally.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You should consider making some improvements that will help ease your stress. You need a change, and it’s about time you considered moving or altering your surroundings to accommodate your needs.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You will be inspired to try things you have been afraid to do in the past. Unexpected information will help you make a vital decision. A firm answer when dealing with people you don’t agree with will bring the best results.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Observation will be your best bet when looking for insight and the answers to a decision that must be made. Impulsive spending or being too generous will lead to worry and anxiety you can do without.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It’s up to you to make the first move to clear up a misunderstanding that has left someone feeling uncomfortable. Change can be good if you make it for the right reason. Don’t let someone misguide you for her or his selfish motives.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You can make money if you are productive and proactive. A new job, an interview, or a project of your own will all lead to something prosperous. Love is looking good.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Just because your plate is full and you are being torn between your personal and professional responsibilities doesn’t mean that you should fall short. Pick up the pace – you will accomplish your goals and impress someone important.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Ferret out information that will help you raise your level of competence and add new skills to your résumé. Keep things to yourself, and surprise the competition when you are well prepared to take action. Impulsiveness will be your downfall.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): It is vital that you get moving in a direction that will improve your future. Consider making a change or doing something to make your personal life more comfortable emotionally and physically.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Making irrational choices will lead to a series of poor decisions that will be costly. Mishaps are likely to stop you in your tracks, making it impossible for you to achieve something important. Think of others before you make a move.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don’t run in circles when it’s important to focus on how you can make more money or turn something you enjoy doing into a lucrative endeavor. It’s up to you to take the initiative and make things happen.

 

 

 

 


Rejected headlines

• County discontinues pursuing new librarian citing poor references

• Cash-strapped Nobel committee to create Nobel Prize for Nobel Prize Committee-ing

• Surgeon General ousts Surgeon President in bloody — but sterile — coup

• Biology professor wanes poetic

• American Association of Couch Manufacturers sues American Association of Porn Producers

• Nation’s college students vow to obnoxiously split infinitives

• Wabbit undeniably wascally

• Area woman’s attempt at self-improvement practically unfailable

• New GPS voice kind of snotty

• South Park’s Mr. Hanky sues for defecation of character

• Iowa DOT worker selected roads scholar

• Incurable romantic dies of pneumonia

• Area man fired for impersonating cannonball

• Deadbeat dad buys *Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2*

• National Parents Council report: They’re not angry, just disappointed

• Paul Sorvino lookalike understandably depressed

• Nation’s uncles demand to know: Who’s got your nose?

• Nation’s superlatives march on D.C. for inequality

• Parachute market in freefall









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