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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Financial transactions will lead to good fortune. Focus on contracts, investments, saving, and budgeting to build your assets. Don’t allow your emotions to interfere with your professional decisions.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You are being tugged in too many directions. You have so much going for you that you must stop and realize what’s best for you. Learn from past lessons that if you don’t take care of your own matters first, you will lose out.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You’ll be drawn to people who are aggressive and playful who will spark enthusiasm in you and push you to finish what you start. Set your mind on whatever needs to be done, and see where it leads. If you do a good job and are forthright, you’ll end up with benefits you weren’t expecting.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Your emotions will take over, causing problems when you need to make a personal decision. Meddling in other people’s affairs will lead to repercussions. Take care of your own needs. Be careful while traveling.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your ability to get others to listen to what you have to say will ensure that you get what you want and when. Don’t let anything stand in the way of what you should be doing. There is no time to waste.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Sticking around home will lead to personal problems, leaving you uncertain and questioning your motives. Through conversations with new people you meet, you will learn something about yourself and what you want.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Keep a lid on the way you feel. You won’t express yourself well emotionally. You aren’t likely to win a disagreement, and you will probably end up giving in just to keep the peace.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Money can be made, changes to your home and personal life incorporated, and new friendships or business partnerships put into play. Let go of the past. It will slow you down, hold you back, or confuse you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Secret matters will surprise you, and the thought of having to juggle quickly will be intimidating. Reassess your situation, and you will realize what you want to hold on to and what you can part with.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Emotional confusion will set in if you mix business with pleasure. Don’t be afraid to delegate a little in order to get what you want. With someone’s help, it will be easier to steady yourself and make a financial or professional move.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Put your finest effort into something you know will please the people who care about you. Your success will give you the confidence to do more. A renewed look at your life and where you see yourself heading should give you increased incentive.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The rewards for kindness, generosity, and genuine help will be recognized and will draw the attention of someone who can help you. A change in your status or your financial affairs is looking good. Love is apparent, but so are secret affairs. Tread carefully.





Why I am still pissed about the 9-2 Iowa Hawkeye football team

• Because unlike the basketball team, the football racked up nine straight wins before dropping two in a row.

• Because I have no worries about any of the Hawkeye football players getting lonely and mistaking Floyd of Rosedale for a live pig.

• Because Iowa is playing in January AGAIN, whereas the Gophers are hoping they won’t have to go to sunny Detroit.

• Because Iowa is a state stereotyped as wholesome, whereas Minnesota is stereotyped as South Canada.

• Because Minnesota’s futility against Iowa necessitated Iowans to invent the collapsible goal posts.

• Minnesota lost to Wisconsin? Iowa beat Wisconsin. AT WISCONSIN.

• Minnesota lost to Penn State? Iowa beat Penn State. AT PENN STATE.

• Minnesota lost to Ohio State? Iowa beat Penn State. AT PENN STATE.

• Because Iowans don’t feel the need to put roller coasters in their shopping malls. (That’s what ice rinks are for.)

• Iowa’s mascot inspires pride. Minnesota’s mascot inspires a trip to the orthodontist.

• Because the last good coach to come from Minnesota was Hayden Fox.

• Because the Hawkeyes don’t need to append precious metals to their name simply to create the illusion of being valuable.

• Because “Stanzi the Manzi” and “Vandenberg the Mandenberg” both sound better than “Weber the Manber.” (Pig.)

• Because it’s Minnesota.

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