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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Listen to what’s being said, and you won’t make a costly mistake. A partnership you are in will suffer if you have taken on too many responsibilities. Consider all the angles before you jump into a binding situation.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Your accomplishments will help you get a better handle on what’s to come and what you are capable of doing. Be persistent, and don’t back down, regardless of the competition. Improve your lifestyle by the choices you make.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t let negativity creep into your life. The positive changes you make may not please everyone, but it’s you who must be satisfied. Inspire others to join you with new ideas that lead to a brand-new venture and partnership.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The less you offer, the more everyone will want from you. Don’t nag — using reverse psychology will go a long way when you are trying to get others to abide by your rules. A turn of events will enable you to see clearly where you are heading.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You can count on someone who has always stood in your corner. Taking time to build friendships with the people in your community will be a bonus that will affect your home, family, and property.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Take things as they come, and you won’t be blind-sided by an unexpected situation. Keep a close eye on your finances, and budget accordingly. Don’t set unrealistic goals because someone is challenging you.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Wait to see how things pan out before you tell everyone about your plans. A family issue may leave you feeling defeated. A positive recovery will come from your ability to balance, mediate, and recuperate.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You know what to do — stop procrastinating, and start to believe in your own ability. Not everyone will be as enthusiastic, but that shouldn’t stand in your way. Make it clear that you want to move forward and won’t take no for an answer.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Talk about what you have to offer, and you will find someone willing to help you get what you want. Network, travel, or get involved in something that interests you, and before you know it, you’ll make progress.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You can turn an old idea into a feasible plan that can change the way you earn a living. A love relationship must be handled with passion and understanding if you want to get a good response. Positive action will bring positive results.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): An emotional concern will lead to a solution to any money problems you’re experiencing. An investment or a small business venture will work if you put in the effort. You need to take action now.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Give more thought to the way you set things up at home. Without going over budget, you should be able to set up a workspace, allowing you to develop something that brings in extra cash. Social activities will be fun, but don’t overindulge.

 

 

 

 


Why Ohio State should fear our QB, James Vandenberg:

• Vandenberg once ate a Chevy Corvair, tires and all, in a single sitting.

• Vandenberg cannot legally procreate due to international policies regarding anti-proliferation of weapons.

• Vandenberg shaves with a wood plane.

• Vandenberg hunts for bear with one arm tied behind his back and nothing but a glassy stare.

• Vandenberg can’t ever enter the Witness Protection Program because Vandenberg is the Witness Protection Program.

• Vandenberg owns 16 Great Danes, nine pit bulls, two crocodiles, and a gryphon. When he’s not using it, they all sleep in his jock strap.

• Vandenberg is 9 feet tall, weighs 400 pounds, and can run the 40 in 1.2 seconds.

• Vandenberg smokes. Camels. Unfiltered. Bactrian.

• Vandenberg bleeds single malt Scotch.

• Vandenberg, if cut in half at the midsection, will regenerate itself into two new Vandenbergs.

• Vandenberg loosed the fabled sword Excalibur from its stone prison, but only to pick a chunk of horse meat from his teeth and put it right back.

• Vandenberg personally sired 14 of the last 15 Kentucky Derby winners.

• Vandenberg doesn’t take No. 2s — he takes No. 12s. They would kill most men.

• Vandenberg once stared down a bullet fired from point-blank range.

• Vandenberg doesn’t go fishing; the fish offer themselves up to him willingly.

• Vandenberg once performed a 127-hour page-to-stage adaptation of *War and Peace* as a one-man-show on Broadway. It won every single Tony that year and the next.

• Vandenberg had every play in Iowa’s playbook tattooed on his left inner eyelid. (He reserves the right inner eyelid for his enemies list.)









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