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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You need to get a different perspective on life. A trip can open your eyes to new beginnings and possibilities. A unique partnership can develop if you both have the same motives.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Someone from your past will be able to help you out now. Don’t hesitate to make the first move to re-establish the connection. Keep everything out in the open, and you will make a good impression.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You’ll be torn between what you should do and what you want to do. Friendship is on the rise. Finish what you start, and make sure you get along with the people who can alter your future.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Like it or not, change is heading your way. In the end, you will realize it is good for you and is definitely overdue. Career moves should be put into play, and a complete makeover will boost your confidence.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You can have fun, but get your responsibilities out of the way first. Try to mix business with pleasure. An act of kindness will go a long way toward forming a partnership with someone you regard highly.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Separate your personal and business life. If you try to meld the two, you will fall short of your goals in both. Before you make a choice that will alter your routine, consider other ways to get the same results without giving up something you enjoy.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Someone you network with and admire will offer you a great suggestion that can revolutionize what you are trying to accomplish. A chance to take a pleasure trip or attend an entertaining event will lead to someone who can alter your life.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You’ve been juggling way too much for too long. It’s time to turn things around and push some of the responsibilities burdening you onto someone else. Put time into achieving greater prosperity.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You won’t leave much to the imagination if you start to discuss how you feel and what you want to do. Someone is likely to cut you short or talk behind your back. Instead, concentrate on what you can do immediately to feel better about your future.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may be stopped in your tracks if you try to push too much on others. Call on someone from your past, and you will stand a better chance of getting the help needed. A career opportunity will require innovation on your part.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A financial move is evident. Look for any opportunity to turn what you have already into something even better. Collect an old debt; it will enable you to finance something you want to do.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Someone who can make a difference to how far you get may be talking behind your back. Communication and financial matters must be handled with care. Uncertainty regarding your personal life will make you uneasy.
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Yo momma by Andrew Juhl
• Yo momma is so interested in events, it took her two hours to watch “60 Minutes.”
• Yo momma enjoys a good pun so much, she puts lipstick on her head just to “make up her mind.”
• Yo momma’s so ethical, she got locked in a grocery store and nearly starved.
• Yo momma once tripped over a cordless phone, and that’s why yo momma now insists the phone remain in the charging dock whenever it’s not in use.
• Yo momma’s so responsible, she sold her car for gas money. Thanks to her sacrifice, yo family will have heat this winter.
• Yo momma’s so green, she bought a solar-powered flashlight. It’s not terribly strong, but it’s much better for the environment than traditional flashlights.
• Yo momma’s so disinterested in sports, she thinks a quarterback is a refund. (Yo momma is more of a reader.)
• Yo momma’s so unlucky, she got stabbed during a shootout. How is yo momma doing, by the way?
• Yo momma’s so prepared, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl. (You never know when you’ll need a real spoon.)
• Yo momma’s so into classical music, she thought Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonald’s.
• Yo momma’s so depressed, she jumped out the window and went up. To heaven. With Mittens and yo gram gram.
• Yo momma’s so diligent with the weather forecasts, she took an umbrella to see *Purple Rain*. And yo momma was glad she did, because it rained that evening.
• Yo momma’s such a fan of comedy, she watches *The Three Stooges* and takes notes.
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