|
ARIES (March 21-April 19): A partnership will develop. Communicate openly and honestly, and you will get the same in return. A strong bond will lead to a major change in your life or your present location. Make your choices enthusiastically and without hesitation.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You have too much on the line to wait for things and people to come to you. Take charge in order to establish your plans for the future. Someone you used to know will help you out professionally now. Don’t hesitate to make the first move.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t bring emotions into the mix. It only stands to reason that if you do something you love, you will do well. Focus on your ability to communicate and put things together for maximum results.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Before you make a move, be sure the people you care about most are in agreement. A job that entails your traveling a distance is heading your way. Look closely before you turn something down that offers a bright future and greater stability.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Socializing, pleasure trips, or doing something different with the person you love most will all lead to better companionship and interesting ideas for moneymaking opportunities. Take the initiative. You will attract a lot of attention and develop personal and professional partnerships.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You have to be cautious when dealing with emotional matters. Someone isn’t likely to share her or his true feelings. Uncertainty isn’t a bad thing if it draws attention to something that needs fixing. Use your imagination.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t give in to someone pressing you to change your ideals or your beliefs. Stand your ground. A creative idea will turn into a trendy venture leading to more money and a lot of fun. Steer clear of negative people.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Procrastination has to stop. Thinking about something or reworking something over and over again will lead nowhere. Action is required. The suggestions offered are probably not in your best interest. Believe in yourself.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You’ll be prone to making sudden, unorthodox changes that will confuse the people trying to decipher what you need and want. Stick to your plans, or at least let the people affected by your decisions know what you are doing.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’ll have trouble finishing what you start. Expect to face opposition and challenges. Avoid travel when you can communicate just as easily using modern technology. A new slant to an old goal will be lucrative and satisfying.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The important things in life must be taken care of if you want to find peace of mind and a direction that suits you. Personal papers, your health, or legal matters should be dealt with immediately.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A very private but stimulating partnership is apparent. Socializing with people who share your interests can lead to a new position. Before you travel, make sure you can afford the trip.
|  | 
Mailbag! by Andrew Juhl
• “I love the ledge! My friend’s and I read it every day!” If you really do read me every day, you should know better than to go around sticking apostrophes in your friends.
• “…what’s your [writing] process? How do produce jokes?” Well, sometimes when a setup and a punch line get really horny, they’ll get drunk on cheap gin and Sunny D, and then they’ll rent out a neuron in my fleabag motel of a brain for a few hours and get it on. Nine months later, I offer to sell their weird joke babies on the humor columnist black market. I don’t really understand the science behind it all, I just like making money and watching DVD recordings of the conceptions.
• “jokes about band names? crap, dude. you can do better than this stupid crap.” I think it’s awfully audacious for you to presume I can do better. You don’t know the limits of my abilities; I may already be the best writer that I can be. I mean, how would you like it if I told you to be a bigger idiot? (I’m not going to do that, however, because I don’t know you or the limits of your abilities; you may already be the biggest possible idiot you can be.)
• “I hate you. You can suck my [piece of male anatomy].” Are you saying that I am physically able to suck your piece of male anatomy or are you saying that I may — if I so choose — suck your piece of male anatomy (ie, is this a genuine male-piece-of-anatomy-sucking invitation)? If the latter, please follow-up with preference for time, place, and photographer.
|
