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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Take precautions. Don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position. Greater involvement in activities that challenge you will help to eliminate the stress that others are causing in your life.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you let someone interfere in your life, you will have regrets. A proposal you make must be foolproof before you offer it to anyone of importance. Don’t neglect your health. If you are feeling tired, take time to relax.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You have so much to gain by focusing on what’s really important and letting everything else sit for the time being. Someone younger will have a positive influence on you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t worry if things aren’t running smoothly at home. Sit back until you see an opportunity to take charge and do what needs to be done. You will find a way to turn negatives into positives.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t waste time when there is so much to be accomplished. A partnership that will bring more value to a project you are working on can be developed and the guidelines set so you both contribute equal amounts. Financial gains can be expected.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Think about your plans — past, present, and future — and you’ll have a better idea what direction will benefit you the most. Rely on knowledge and skills to bring you lucrative returns.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t get confused because of what everyone else is doing or telling you to do. You have to make up your own mind. Deception is likely to throw you off-course. Someone is likely to take advantage of you if you allow it.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t make a decision because things are moving so fast that you feel pressured. Time is on your side even if you are being told otherwise. Take more of an interest in people who can use your expertise and help.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You may want to be an adventurer or a crusader or just challenge yourself, but before jumping in with both feet, consider what you are really up against. Size down or take on less to make your task more feasible.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your authoritative manner will not bode well with the people you are trying to get to help you. Don’t push too hard; implementing a little fun into the mix will ensure your success.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your goals will be met and your demands honored. Have some fun by socializing with friends or attending an event that will bring you in touch with new acquaintances. Someone’s unique lifestyle will capture your imagination.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A change of plans may unnerve you, but if you show your distress, you will put yourself at a disadvantage. You can take on a burden but only if you strike a deal to be reimbursed.

 

 

 

 




by Andrew Juhl


You think you’re so great because you come from “The Dairy State?” You think you stand alone because of your provolone? Well you better sit down, because I got some news that’s gonna roquefort. Your havarti? Doesn’t take a smarty to know it tastes tarty and farty. Your ricotta cheese? Notta, please. And your mozzarella? I gots-ta-tell-ya: it’s downright un-American. So be warned: undefeated Iowa Hawkeyes are gonna to wipe that chesire grin right off your faces this weekend. You’re gonna be black and bleu. You’re gonna be wearin’ coldpacks for a week. We’re gonna cream your cheese. We’re gonna blanco your queso. We’re gonna get more yard-o than your sardo. We’re gonna do some muenster mashing. We’re gonna make you look as bad as that Laughing Cow College, ISU. We’ll fight to the last, mano-a-Romano, if we have to! We’re gonna jack your colby, and then pepper that jack. We’re gonna tear you limb from limburger. We’re gonna squish your swiss. We’re gonna wring your string (first and second). No matter how gouda you think you are, we’re bettah than your feta. Seriously, chimay want tilsit this one out. We’re gonna push you back, push you back, whey back. We’re gonna smack you with an iron fist in a Velveeta glove. We Maytag you (may toe-tag you, that is). Because we don’t give a damme about badgers here in Iowa; we edam up and spit’em out! You’re not gonna get anywhere paneer our end zone because we don’t plan to throw any bricks. We’re gonna go Rambo on your Danbo. We’re gonna murdah your urda. We’re gonna kick your mandjeskaas all the way from jarlsberg to Liederkranz. Make no mistake: you will not provel on Saturday. (And if you do win, I’m out some serious cheddar.) Because in the Big Ten, Iowa is the big cheese. That’s our mató








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