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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Take whatever you do seriously. You will be criticized the moment you try to cut corners or pass your responsibilities on to someone else. Follow through with whatever you start.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): With a couple of productive and industrious changes, you will be able to call the shots. Not everyone will be in agreement with you, but you should be able to move forward with only mild interference.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You’ll have to do double duty. No matter how you look at a situation, you can expect to be surprised by the outcome. Keep your guard up and your thoughts to yourself for now.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You’ll have more incentive to make positive changes at home and in your personal life. Getting involved in domestic projects will help ease stress as you figure out ways to accommodate everyone you love.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You may feel like getting away, but working is what’s required. Finishing what you start will take your mind off personal matters. Greater opportunities and the ability to reverse any past mistakes, letdowns, or relationship problems will be possible.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Love and romance are kicking in, and the time to make your move in a personal situation is now. Changes at home will help you establish the way things will be in the future.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The time is right for launching something you’ve been working on. A partnership can make a huge difference to your personal and professional future. Don’t procrastinate.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Check out an organization that can offer you some ideas pertaining to a project you’ve had trouble getting up and running. Challenges will come from an unusual source, but they will help to boost your confidence.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You may think you know what you are doing, and you can probably fool some of the people you are dealing with, but the ones who know you best will question, criticize, and complain about your recent decisions. Change your plans in order to avoid a force play.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’ve got all the right moves to get your way and implement changes both at home and in your extended family and friends. Your sincerity and understanding will allow you to build an alliance with someone with the potential to help you in the future.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Be careful how you handle emotional issues. You may want to clear the air, but do so diplomatically if you want to remain friends with someone you’ve been spending time with. Kindness and consideration will be the determining factors.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You are up for a whole lot of change, and if you don’t back down or give in, you stand to get ahead professionally A change in a partnership will enable you to backtrack and fix a mistake you made.

 

 

 

 


Where the Internet draws the line:

by Andrew Juhl


If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s … ’80s nostalgia; being around drunk people when I’m sober; touching my computer screen; unethical libel — the rest is OK; vampires in space; libraries; an emo kid telling me that he or she is a “nonconformist”; when my dad bites down on his fork and then pulls the tines out from between his teeth; pop music; a two-bit, riding-on-daddy’s-coattails, no-really-I’m-famous actress who won’t follow-through on her threats; April Fools’ Day jokes that don’t have the balls to stick to it; those damn leprechauns; chaos and havoc; when a girl asks me if she looks fat; a tribute band; being tortured by someone with cold hands; a jerk letting a big dog roam freely in an area where kids are playing; an incredibly earnest bar band; a male feminist; an arrogant bird; the claim that the *Transformers* films have no plot; allowing others to feel as if they’ve done the right thing; a sweet sauce; someone kicking a poor defenseless teddy bear; Dr. Phil guests who come on the show for help and defend their behavior; missing a bandwagon; difficult pies; being reminded of the advice I give to others; books on operational military history that don’t have good maps, and plenty of them; the cold, then the snow, and then celebrities with coats on; an uneducated pervert; a pretentious wannabe anthropologist trying to demonstrate how “cool” he is by expounding ad nauseam on his deep submersion in some sort of “hip” culture; an unfunny comedian.








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