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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You can’t stop now. In fact, you must organize so you don’t fall behind. Good things are heading your way. Don’t let anyone put added responsibilities on you.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Put time aside for love, romance, and social adventures. A change is upon you that can alter your position personally and professionally. Don’t take too long to decide what you are going to do.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t give in to your emotions. If someone puts demands on you, back away. You can do better if you just give yourself more time. Prepare to walk away or set the standard instead of letting others rule your world.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): You’ve been holding on to something or someone that shouldn’t be in your life anymore. It’s time to take on new challenges, meet new people, and change the way you do things at home. There are other alternatives available.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Enjoy the moment, and plan to get out with friends or your lover. So much depends on how you react to the people around you. Let your personality be what grabs attention, not how much you are willing to spend.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Set your own standard, and stick to it, even if your emotions are telling you to go against what you know you should do. It will be a no-win situation if you allow anyone to ride on your coattails or push you to take on responsibilities that don’t belong to you.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Make some plans with a friend, relative, or neighbor. The one-on-one talks you have will broaden your scope regarding the possibilities that may exist in the future. Evaluate your situation, and consider your options.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t be too quick to say no. Consider whatever is being offered. Good things can come from the discussions you have if you are honest as well as creative about what you can bring to the table.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You’ll have to answer plenty of questions if you have fallen short on the promises you’ve made in the past. Someone is likely to force you to make a decision that is uncompromising, given the current economic situation. Use your ingenuity.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You have plenty to think about before you make a final decision that can alter your bankbook and your lifestyle. Keep your emotions out of the equation. Be responsible and resourceful.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You must recognize an offer being made if you want to get ahead. It may be a challenge, but in the end, you will not only learn from the experience, it will lead to other, life-changing opportunities.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Protect your interests as well as your heart and your assets. Expect someone to make a sudden and unexpected attempt to push you into a fast and untimely decision. Do not take the bait or give in to ultimatums.
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Examining common similes (part two): by Andrew Juhl
• “as fit as a fiddle.” I always thought fiddles had more of an hourglass figure. A little too curvaceous for my tastes.
• “as white as a sheet.” You have obviously never seen my sheets.
• “as easy as A-B-C.” Unless you’re illiterate, in which case it’s as hard as A-B-C. Also, if you are illiterate, you’re not reading this joke right now, so you don’t know I just insulted you — which makes the current sentence a waste of ink and everybody else’s time. Wow, look at the trouble you’ve caused, and all because you never took the time to learn to read. Hope you’re proud of yourself.
• “as happy as Lark.” Unless you’re talking about Lark Voorhies, whose career could be going better, let’s face it.
• “as old as the hills.” OK by me, so long as it’s not as boring as The Hills.
• “as right as rain.” Totally accurate. Rain is a known detractor of social programs and health-care reform.
• “as dumb as a box of rocks.” If those rocks are shale, they might actually be pretty sharp. No, that’s not funny, but it *is* basic geology. And now you’ve learned something. (Unless you’re still illiterate.)
• “as flat as a pancake.” Why are pancakes the go-to culinary reference for flatness? Tortillas are flatter. As is every draw I’ve ever ordered at SpoCo.
• “as gentle as a lamb.” You think so? Try coming up from behind one at midnight and then tell me what gentle creatures they are.
• “as good as new.” New does not always necessarily equate to good. I have a new child support payment to start making soon, and that is about as far away from good as good gets.
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