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New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!



ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don’t shy away from new possibilities, especially if it entails meeting people who have similar interests or work in the same industry as you. Show what you have to offer, and you will accomplish a lot.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Problems will develop at home or in your personal life if you are unreasonable. Take the bad with the good, and work out a way to get through whatever challenges you face without letting stubbornness, jealousy, or your emotions interfere.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You’ll have your hands full, but that’s when you do your best work. A couple of fast maneuvers on your part, and you will have control and be headed in a direction that satisfies your own special needs.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): There is no point sulking or keeping things to yourself. Address matters honestly. You’ll be surprised how quickly you can implement your plans once you’ve shared your thoughts and feelings.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You may feel like sharing your ideas, but for now, do things in secret so no one will stand in your way. The less attention you draw to what you are doing, the less chance there will be for someone to stop you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You’ll have to be careful how you deal with the people who can influence what you are trying to accomplish in your personal and your professional life. The more agreeable you are, the easier it will be to put some of your ideas to the test.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It will benefit you more if you focus your attention on yourself rather than trying to do things you don’t want to do for others. Weigh the cost and stress involved, and it won’t be hard to make up your mind.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Getting involved in something that motivates you will help put new life into something you’ve been working toward. Go to the source if it will help to bring you greater inspiration or clarity on how you can do something without additional cost.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It’s not worth getting all worked up over nothing. If someone asks for something, take care of it, and get on with your day. In the end, you’ll be the one with the knowledge and experience to move forward.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You can make friends by doing something nice that will ease stress and worry. Your ability to juggle things around will help those who cannot. Money is in the stars, and a settlement or investment that has been pending will make a comeback.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don’t worry about your financial situation — do something about it. You can come up with a lucrative idea or service that will help you pay your bills. Changes to something you already do will help you broaden your scope of clients.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A networking group of high-profile people in an industry you are familiar with will lead to an opportunity. A change is heading your way, and a partnership is possible, but it will require a lot of hard work, dedication, and compromise.

 

 

 

 


If ISU’s performance over the weekend were a:

by Andrew Juhl


• fifth-grader, it’d get picked last for dodge ball … by the third-graders.

• car, it’d be up on cinder blocks, upside down.

• food, it’d be suckghetti with suckballs.

• oceanfront property, it’d be located in Jersey.

• shot, it’d be whiskey and pineapple juice with a bacon-grease chaser.

• rock group, it’d be the Beatles. Now.

• medical condition, it’d be terminal suckass.

• country, it’d be Iranthewrongway.

• children’s toy, it’d be a broken dreidel.

• website, it’d be boydoesisus.uk

• an animal, it’d be a ferret. Because ferrets are stupid and they smell bad and Jimmy’s mom let him have a ferret, but my mom’s mean.

• television show, it’s be Kourtney & Khloé Take The One Tree Gossip Hills, 90210.

• newspaper, it’d be The Weekly Suck.

• an ex-girlfriend, she’d never give you back your favorite sweater.

• an ex-boyfriend, he’d never stop calling you about that stupid sweater.

• a sweater, it’d be ugly, itchy and have a Christmas tree on it that lights up, but you’d have to replace the battery every time you wore it, which is a real pain, and why does cousin Jessica have a new baby every damn year? GOOD LORD, JESSICA, WE’RE NOT CATHOLIC!

• poker hand, it’d be 2-6 unsuited and covered in dog shit.

• joke, it’d be less laughable than the actual performance.









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