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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Talks will lead to a better relationship with friends and lovers. Be open about the way you feel and how you see things unfolding in the future. The input you get back will help you establish what you should do next.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Get involved in something you feel strongly about, and you will make a difference. The knowledge and experience you gain will help you in your personal and business life. Taking action will show others that you are capable of being a leader.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You could easily make a mistake if you are too giving of your time, money, or skills. By taking a professional approach, you stand a better chance of getting a proposal that will compensate you and allow you to help a cause you believe in.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): You may be put in an awkward position if someone wants you to do something that is a little different or too exotic for you. Sticking around home can be fun if you plan to do things with someone who means something to you. Don’t argue, just do what suits you best.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You can come up with some moneymaking ideas if you look at what you have and what you can use to service others. Your entertaining personality will capture someone’s interest. You will benefit from an unusual source.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t leave anything to chance. Look at every means available in order to get the upper hand professionally. Perfection and detail will count and will lead to a better position in the end.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You should do something nice for yourself. Buy something that will make you feel good, or sign up for a course that will raise your self-esteem or enhance your skills. Love is on the rise.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You’ll have to watch what you do, say, and promise at home or to people with whom you are personally contracting. Don’t leave anything to the imagination. Overspending, overdoing, and overconsuming will all lead to loss.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Think before you speak. An emotional situation will cause you grief if you make a promise in the heat of the moment. Keep things honest, and refrain from committing to something that you know you will not do.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You are sitting in a good position, so be prepared to follow through even if it means someone else’s loss. You have played a fair game, and it’s time to collect what’s owed to you. Don’t give in to someone trying to play on your emotions.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): False pretenses will lead to a parting of the ways between you and someone you care about. Be ready to compensate someone you jilted, even if it was unintentional. Clarify exactly what you have to offer.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You’ll be emotional regarding a relationship and how you are being treated. Consider your own actions before you point the finger at someone else. Don’t feud over stupid, trivial annoyances.
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Misheard sayings by Andrew Juhl
• “Let weeping dogs cry.”
• “Love is a mini-splendored thong.”
• “Music has charms to tooth the savage breast.”
• “Snow shoes is good shoes.”
• “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust into of them.”
• “The best offense is a good skunk fence.”
• “The brass is always cleaner on the other slide.”
• “To make an omelet, you’ve got to break a few legs.”
• “See no weevil, hear no weevil, seek no weevil.”
• “That’s neither ear nor hair.”
• “Two in a bird is worth the hand in the bush.”
• “An Englishman’s mom is his hassle.”
• “You can’t be tall things to tall people.”
• “Fight fire with water.”
• “Be still, my bleeding heart.”
• “Don’t eat your panties in a lunch.”
• “A little college can be a dangerous thing.”
• “Clothes only count in horseshoes and hand grenades.”
• “Don’t be a strangler.”
• “In the land of the blond, the two-eyed man is king.”
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