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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Spice things up a little, and you will be motivated to go ahead with plans, ideas, and interesting deals. Challenge yourself to take on a task that seems impossible, and you will excel and create a stir.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t delve into the negative when being accommodating will get you so much further ahead. Discussing your intentions with a positive spin and a little finesse will win you points and interest in your plans.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t get down, get moving. Emotional challenges may be difficult, but they will help you discover where, how, and what you lack in order to reach your goals. Use your personal appeal to bring about dynamic and pleasing results.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Stop before you end up in a mess too big to clean up. Getting upset and taking a rash course of action will backfire. Keep your thoughts to yourself and do a little private investigative work. Time is on your side.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You can take a chance on something that has been unreachable to you in the past. A new attitude will open a door that you have wanted to pursue for a long time. Your upbeat personality will generate the kind of action you are looking for.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t share your secrets or give people too much information. You have to maintain a certain amount of intrigue if you want to hold everyone’s interest. Let things unfold naturally.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Take part in whatever interests you, and you will make new friends, leading to greater involvement in something you find pleasurable. Don’t let a challenge discourage you from taking part. Rise to the occasion.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You may have to make a few adjustments to please some of the more difficult people in your life. A financial plan will enable you to put some of your current goals into play, working toward increasing your income.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t be fooled by what you are being told. Becoming entrapped in someone’s emotional games will lead to a costly mistake. Look at the situation logically, and you will know how and who to compensate in order to get what you want.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Separate your emotions from any financial or legal matter that you face. Don’t let someone get the better of you because you have feelings for that person. You must look out for your interests and refuse to give more than you can afford.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’ll have plenty of choices, but choosing the one that’s best for you may be difficult. Rely on your own instincts to lead you in the right direction. A viable partnership will lead to financial gain.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You may have to be secretive regarding your plans if you want to avoid criticism and complaints. You don’t have to change course, but you do need to proceed with caution and deal with people you can trust.
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Freshman Advice Week (Drinking): by Andrew Juhl
• Note: I do NOT support underage drinking, because it is illegal. Neither do the downtown bars, which should be obvious.
• Just like high school, college will be a breeze if you remember to focus on the three Rs: booze, booze, and booze.
• Never let anyone pressure you into drinking if you don’t want to. Simply explain that you enjoy being self-conscious, having inhibitions, and maintaining an elevated level of stress. Everyone will totally respect you for sticking to your convictions.
• If you do drink, then — given the current state of the economy — you should go to the bars every chance you get. Not supporting our downtown businesses is reprehensibly un-American (and everybody’s package could use a little stimulus).
• Even if you’re a light drinker, you should always appoint a Designated Driver.
• If you’re moderate drinker, you should also appoint a Designated Cockblocker.
• If you’re heavy drinker, you should try to lose some weight.
• Going to class with a hangover does not mean you have a drinking problem, it means you have scheduling problem.
• Four Excedrin Migraine caplets will end any hangover. But 40 will end every hangover. So watch your dosage.
• Learn how to prioritize your budget. After paying for such necessities as rent, books, supplies, and tuition, you’ll sometimes find that there’s barely enough money left over for booze and food. I know it sucks, but sometimes you’ll just have to go without food.
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