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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Pushing others will lead to resentment, but doing the bulk of what needs to be done on your own will bring you greater admiration and respect. A little fun mixed into your schedule will help you find peace of mind.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Your reserved approach will give you the inside scoop and help you make a very crucial, future-altering decision. A partnership that has been up in the air can now be developed. Be patient and willing to listen.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Not everything is a top priority, even if someone is trying to push you to make a decision. Consider what suits you best, and you will find a way to make your dreams come true.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t fear failure or back away because you think someone can outdo you. Believe in yourself and what you have to offer and so will everyone around you. Share information and ask for suggestions.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Emotional matters will flare up, leaving you in a defenseless position if you have promised too much. Don’t bother trying to manipulate the situation. Confess and move on before you end up losing out personally and financially.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Put more effort into love and romance, and you will get fabulous results. Your devotion to a cause you believe in will enhance your position in a group you belong to and bring about a very interesting and prosperous proposal.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Stick to the game plan you laid out, or you will have to face opposition and complaints. Your knowledge and experience will pay off now if you can implement some of the lessons you have learned in the past.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Lay your cards on the table, and discuss any matters you feel may, because of a lack of trust, stifle a deal. Generate a higher level of interest by enforcing something that will be hard to resist and will create conversation among your peers.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Dig deep, and get to the bottom of any situation you face before you make a life-altering decision. Love is in the picture, but instability will result if you cannot make up your mind about a connection you still have to your past. Face matters head-on.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don’t lose sight of what’s going on around you. Someone may try to outmaneuver you in hopes of taking something that rightfully belongs to you. The price you pay for a mistake will affect your self-esteem and confidence.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Before you start second-guessing what you are doing, look around you. It may be that someone else is playing emotional games. Adjust your way of thinking, and stop being so gullible with someone who is taking advantage of you.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Find out the real deal before you sign up for something that may take up too much time without enough payback. A love interest may be positive personally, but don’t let it influence the way you do business.
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Freshman Advice Week (Classes): by Andrew Juhl
• It’s great to be good-looking, but all you good-looking people should know this upfront: Professors aren’t going to give you a free pass because you turn heads in a tank top. Expecting college to be easy just because you’ve got a great ass is like expecting a kick in the face not to hurt because you’re a pacifist.
• Test all lame excuses you plan to use in class on your parents first. They know you and can sniff out your lies. If an excuse gets past them, your professor doesn’t stand a chance. (Note: This method does not work with the “my grandma died” excuse. Trust me.)
• Taking 19 semester hours doesn’t make you a better person, it makes you a stressed-out one, and it can lead to poor eating habits and excessive drinking. Eating junk food and drinking a case of beer should be done out of gross negligence for your health or football season only, never as method of stress relief. That’s what pot is for.
• College isn’t just a place for book learnin’. It’s also a place for interpersonal communication techniques learnin’. Knowing how to talk and listen to others is as important as knowing how to calculate the lattice energy of an ionic solid (if not moreso). If for no other reason than some day in the future you’ll be interviewing for a decent job, and you won’t want to need to rely on your GPA in order to get it.
• There are such things as stupid questions. There are even such things as very stupid questions. There are questions so incredibly, mind-splittingly, Fox-News-watchingly stupid that they shake a person’s underlying faith in the existence of logic, and every class has at least one moron who won’t stop asking such questions. Don’t be that moron.
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