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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your intensity coupled with your desire should bring some interesting results when dealing with partnerships. A job that requires detail, precision, or persistence will show everyone how skillful you can be and what you can accomplish.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Look for the option that offers a slow return or a chance to build something you’ve been interested in doing for some time. An emotional view of your past will help you make suitable choices now. Take time to do research.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Be careful not to upset anyone you live with. Focus more on your vocational progress, and try to avoid any personal matter. Secrets may be difficult for you to keep, but today, it’s a must.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t give in to someone using emotional blackmail. A change at home will be beneficial and will lead to an opportunity for extra cash. Don’t let overhead limit you.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your kindness and generosity will be difficult to deny. Your great ideas will lead to some interesting changes at home along with the chance to invest for a great return. Let your imagination wander.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Check out what everyone else is doing before you make a decision. Do not let your personal life affect your progress at work. Focus on what needs to be done. Your uncertainty can lead to a financial loss.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You can make some headway personally by spending time updating your look and your knowledge. A trip to obtain information or experience will pay off. You have more control than you realize.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You may have to work quietly on your own, remaining secretive about what you are trying to accomplish. Avoid anyone who may lead you off course or take advantage of your talent. Love is on the rise.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Make a concerted effort to size down or invest in something stable and long-term. Set a strict budget. You have to be progressive if you want to get back up on top.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You have more power than you realize. Don’t be afraid to stick your neck out and say what’s on your mind. You’ll be surprised by the reaction you get from people you thought were immovable. A change in your direction will bring greater financial freedom.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Trying to impress or be someone you are not will be costly. This is a good time to challenge yourself and to face any demons that still haunt you regarding your past. Personal action will raise your self-esteem and confidence.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): So many opportunities are within reach, but not all of them will bring you the same results. Make sure you aren’t jeopardizing your chance to do something or be with someone in the future. Your uncertainty should be a signal to stop, wait, and watch.

 

 

 

 


Freshman Advice Week (Sex):

by Andrew Juhl


• If you’re planning to lose your virginity in college, don’t do it with another virgin; hold out for a total slut or manwhore — at least then you’ve got a shot at enjoying yourself.

• Condoms shield you from STDs, so be sure to use them. Nail as many to your headboard as will fit and bask in their talismanic protection magic.

• It’s sleazy to take someone you don’t know home from a bar and have sex with her or him. Instead, have sex *at* the bar, and then go home.

• Legally, it’s not paying for sex if you know the check will bounce.

• Practically, it’s not smart to take legal advice found in a humor column.

• There’s no good reason to be too overly persnickety about who you go to bed with. Think about it: Do cheetahs wait around for weeks on end, trying to find the meatiest gazelle in the entire herd? No. They go after the slowest, lamest, dimmest beast they see, then they eat their fill, roll over, and take a nap (and maybe, if they’re in a generous mood, they give the gazelle cab fare home).

• Keep an open mind. You probably read that last joke with the gazelle as a woman, and the cheetah as a man, but in actuality, they were both men. They didn’t plan for it to happen. It just did. And it was passionate and it was beautiful and who are you to judge? NO IT IS NOT JUST A PHASE, DAD!

• You’re literally surrounded by thousands of sexy singles on a daily basis, so try to meet people in person instead of attempting to hook up with them via social-networking sites and Internet dating services. (Unless you’re a pedophile, in which case MySpace is still your best option).









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