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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Treat yourself to something special, or get involved in an activity that allows you to put your skills to work. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to, and you should not hesitate to contact anyone with the potential to help you excel.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You have to be patient, especially with people who don’t understand what you are trying to accomplish. Listen to any advice being offered, and it may spare you a costly mistake. Don’t make a move just yet.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t sell yourself short when you have so many options. Take a closer look at what’s going on and what’s being offered. A partnership looks promising, and a career change or advancement is apparent. Follow through.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Scale down before you end up in a costly situation. Someone may push you to take on too much, but if you stick to your own agenda, you will stay on the right track. Opt for a video conference call rather than a trip.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Something will backfire if you don’t see matters through to the end. Forget about being nice or generous with your time or money. Look out for your own interests, and be a little selfish if you want to get things accomplished.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Now is not the time to fall short on your promises. Be forthcoming. Someone you thought you could trust is not looking out for your best interests. Overspending will not buy favors or make a good impression.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You always land on your feet, so go the extra mile and actually get ahead instead of just getting by. You may feel like being lazy, but with all you have to offer, you should present and promote.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You have to stay in control or someone will take credit for your hard work. You may be forced to address your contribution in a personal relationship you have been neglecting lately.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t give in to your desires when you know you have to take care of business first. Do not lose sight of your goals or give in to pressure by someone you love. A trip or conference call will help you clear the air.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may not be given all the information you need to assess a situation. Don’t be surprised if someone strays from a plan you put in motion. Ulterior motives are apparent. Be ready to change your strategy.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you have questions, ask, but don’t expect to be told everything you want to hear. Take the bad with the good. Remaining positive will show others that you have more to offer than meets the eye.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A secret matter will be hard to hide. Put your time and effort into your home and family instead of risking everything you’ve worked so hard to acquire. You will have to manipulate whatever situation you face in order to win.





Company name etymologies (cont.):

by Andrew Juhl

• 7-Eleven: it’s the amount of money you’ll pay for a decent pack of smokes in one of the stores.

• Adidas: named after its founder, Adidas Footwear III.

• Nike: named for the Greek goddess of majority market share.

• Reebok: an alternate spelling of the rhebok, an African antelope that can dunk on your chump-ass, scrub.

• Mercedes-Benz: a combination of the last name of German engine designer Karl Benz and the first name of a stripper.

• Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer: named for founder Goldwyn Mayer, noted culinary aficionado and excellent dresser.

• Midway: so-named because that is usually the point in its video games when you begin to get bored.

• Morningstar Inc.: owned by Satan.

• Nabisco: plays better in the press than the company’s old name, Soylent Corp.

• Nestlé: actually supposed to be just “Nestle,” but recently had a coffee drink at McDonald’s.

• Level 3 Communications: because this company can cast Magic Missile.

• IBM: so-named because all it does is crap out useless products.

• Johnson & Johnson: named after the company’s founders, Dick Cox and Rod Peters.

• Arby’s: onomatopoeia for the sound you make while throwing up a Beef ’n’ Cheddar sandwich.

• FCUK: because it looks like a swear word, duh.

• Black & Decker: But I barely know ’er!

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