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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don’t be too quick to forget past encounters. Someone who can help you out now will come to mind. You will be able to motivate and inspire people to get involved in something you believe in.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You may be offered help, but keep in mind that nothing is for free. Find out ahead of time what is expected in return. Negotiations will go well, but don’t rely on a handshake — get what you want in writing.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You can set a precedent that will give you the edge and impress anyone watching you work through challenging times. Your quick response to whatever you face will enable you to outmaneuver anyone challenging you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Look around you: If things aren’t the way you want, consider making some improvements. Take a trip or visit someone who can give you some options. Stop procrastinating about what you know you should be doing in order to improve your life.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A moneymaking deal will entice you. Put any extra cash you have into your home or something that will promote your own talents, not someone else’s. Something you have to offer is worth more than you think. Don’t sell yourself short.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Success is within your reach, but it will take action, not talk, to get to where you want to go. Put your plans into motion, and refuse to let anyone slow you down with questions and conjecture. Forward thinking and actions will lead to advancement.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You can only get to the bottom of things if you ask direct questions. Your greatest fear is unwarranted, and once you realize this, you can make decisions that will improve your outlook and your future.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t complicate matters. Keep your thoughts a secret, and go about your business. You can make some interesting changes at home that will help you raise your property value or enable you to work from home and make extra cash.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Promote your own interests by joining groups that can help you further your goals. The people you meet will have good suggestions and will probably offer to lend a helping hand. Don’t be shy when there is so much to gain.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You have to sort through your emotional issues in order to think straight when forced to make an important decision. There will be no time to rethink your strategy or change direction. A commitment can be made that will alter your status forever.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you pile too much on your plate, you will fall short of your expectations. Focus on getting the job done. Not reaching your set goals will cost you financially, emotionally, and physically.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Prepare for whatever you have to do carefully. If you don’t fully understand what’s expected of you, problems will arise and the chance to get ahead will be limited. Don’t pretend to know something you don’t.





20 additional movies I could have believed were porno (had I not already seen them):

by Andrew Juhl

• Thunderball (1965)

• Whale Rider (2002)

• Stand and Deliver (1988)

• Prom Night (2008)

• Palmy Days (1983)

• The Package (1989)

• A Man Called Horse (1970)

• Goin’ South (1978)

• Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

• In Too Deep (1999)

• Oh, Mr. Porter! (1937)

• What Lies Beneath (2000)

• Marathon Man (1976)

• The Box Killer (2008)

• Calendar Girls (2003)

• How Green Was My Valley (1941)

• The Shape of Things to Come (1979)

• Inside Daisy Clover (1965)

• F.I.S.T. (1978)

• Ocean’s Eleven (1960)

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