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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Trust in your knowledge and intuition to help you make the right choice about a delicate situation. It will affect your future prospects financially and professionally, so be aware of the full extent of things before moving forward with your plans.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Straight talk is all it will take to win the confidence of those you are dealing with. Friendships will develop from common interests. Don’t let love stand in your way. Clear the air so you can pursue your dreams.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Avoid anyone stifling your plans or pushing responsibilities your way. Spend more time with people who participate in events that will enable you to gain ground. The more you network, the more interest you will attract.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Show your kindness and support, and you will benefit. Share your ideas and plans, and you will attract people who want to take part in something you are serious about pursuing. There is power in numbers.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): As long as you are prepared to take responsibility for your actions, you can take a chance and do something out of the ordinary. Don’t expect everyone to like what you do, but there will be others who support your efforts.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Being proactive will save you time and resolve issues quickly. Forget about what others do or say and look out for yourself. Change is upon you, and accepting it graciously will say volumes about who you are and what you represent.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t let anyone discourage you, but do discuss your plans openly to avoid unwanted surprises. As long as you have a handle on what you are doing and how much money you need to follow through with your plans, you should feel comfortable enough to proceed.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Budget carefully if you don’t want to be left short at month’s end. Focus more on how you can improve what you have to offer. Presenting your ideas to someone with vision will help you see what needs fine-tuning.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your enthusiasm will help you get your way. You can accomplish something remarkable if you draw the right people to make a contribution. Make an offer that is hard to refuse in order to get back on top.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your assets may need an adjustment in order to get a better return on your money. Focus on security, and you will feel better about your future. An emotional situation will cause you to rethink your plans.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Take another look at something you want to pursue. You should see something now that was hidden from you in the past that will help you move forward. Don’t waste time, and don’t give up or get discouraged.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You can clarify a lot by looking back at the past and considering what you may have done differently to change the outcome. Learn from your experiences, and you will be able to accomplish something now that you’ve longed to do for some time.

 

 

 

 


A partial list of things I should probably tell every prospective girlfriend:

by Andrew Juhl


• I have read The Catcher in the Rye and The Great Gatsby, and I did not like either of them. I know all of the symbolism, and I understand the plots; I just do not like the books. DEAL WITH IT.

• I’m fine with AA as a battery size. Bras? Not so much.

• Makeup is good, but keep it under control; there is nothing sexy about getting down with Loonette the Clown.

• Maybe I cannot water ski, but I sure as hell can drink more of the lake than you can.

• Yes, I still check out other women, but only because that is where my loyalties reside. I’ve been checking out other women since I was 13; they were here before you came, and they will be here long after you are gone.

• Of course an experienced policewoman wouldn’t investigate a crime scene alone, in the middle of the night, without calling for backup, wearing nothing but a tight, braless, midriff-baring T-shirt and boycut panties. I know this. Just let it go and let me enjoy my movie. … And please don’t move the blanket.

• Try not to confuse a serious relationship with a 205-night stand.

• Feel free to confuse Olive Garden with a nice Italian restaurant.

• I don’t want kids, but I also don’t want to mow my own yard. So, yeah, either way.









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