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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Think forward and avoid living in the past. You have to be progressive and fresh if you want everyone to think of you as a candidate for something interesting and entertaining. You will get what you desire.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Lessen your stress by freeing up time and making plans to enjoy the company of like-minded people. If you consider your past, present, and future and what or whom you want in your life, you will have the ability to advance.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You can learn a lot from people who practice different philosophies, cultures, or traditions. Change is what makes you tick and helps you avoid boredom. Don’t fall short of your goals because of someone’s demands.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You will have to be tight with your contributions or donations. Put your cash into something that will maintain your current assets or add to them. Don’t be fooled by someone’s offer of happiness ? create your own emotional well-being.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Give and take will be necessary if you want to reach your goals. You’ll need to prove you are capable of handling whatever situation comes your way. Someone will try to sabotage your plans. Be direct, but avoid losing your temper if you want to come out on top.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Look at the big picture before you make up your mind what to do next. Taking time off or spending it with someone you respect will lead to a good decision. Don’t let your emotions or a love interest lead to poor judgment.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You are in the driver’s seat and must take control. There are deals on the table and choices that can make or break you. Don’t give in to pleading or pressure. You have to call the shots yourself.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t take chances if you don’t have to. You’ve managed to do things on your own so far, and you should make the choice to finish what you began alone. Keep your life simple, precise, and within your means.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Apply some very simple rules to something you want to get involved in. Ask someone you have an emotional attachment to if you are doing the right thing. You can trust the person who knows your background and ability best.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Stick close to home and the people you care about most. You can gain substantial ground by talking matters over with children, your lover, relatives, or close friends. There is an investment you should be looking at.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Piling too much responsibility on your shoulders or trying to fit too much into your day will lead to upset and potential failure. You have to trust your own judgment, not what someone else tells you is possible.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Get to work on something that has possibilities and practicality written all over it. Stick to the norm even if the unknown is more inviting. Don’t put your cash into something that is likely to fail.

 

 

 

 


20 horrible gift ideas for your husband or boyfriend:

by Andrew Juhl


• a ruler

• a smaller ruler

• the complete DVD boxed set of “Felicity”

• a very comfortable hoodie that once belonged to your ex (dudes love hoodies)

• hand on cheek, no regret, hold the mercy

• 3 puppies (a Cocka-poo, a Malti-poo, and a Peke-poo – you know, a variety pack)

• Your copies of collected fiction of Jane Austen, Emily Dickinson, and Bronte Sisters

• Copies of your collected Jane Austen, Emily Dickinson, and Bronte Sisters fanfiction

• a $50 gift certificate only good at www.sephora.com

• this year’s calendar, with all your red days marked

• last year’s calendar, with all your red days marked

• a framed poster of Daniel Craig as James Bond (you know, the one of him all wet, topless, and muscular on the beach)

• a “To Do” list of things that need fixin’ this weekend

• a Veined Double-Header bedroom aid (you know, so the two of you can play together)

• a coffee mug reading “World’s No. 2 Lover”

• there’s really no good name for this, but just over and fart on him {arms flexed}

• 3 days worth of dry rations, a 2-inch pocketknife, and 1-minute head start

• syphilis








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