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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don’t count on anything based on hearsay. Get specifics if you want to take advantage of something that may fit into your plans. Emotional matters will crop up, affecting your ability to make wise decisions.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Concentrate on your best assets, and you will utilize your talents to the fullest. Making new friends, networking, and learning vital information that will help you excel are highlighted. Don’t let someone you love stand in your way.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You’ll lose money if you aren’t careful about your spending habits. Do not give, donate, or squander money. Use your communication skills to get you the interest you need for something you want to pursue.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Before you let things get to you and say something you shouldn’t, consider what’s really happened. You will come up with a solution that won’t hurt anyone, including you. Rely on someone with experience to answer any questions concerning love situations.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your magnetism will keep everyone interested in what you are going to do next. Travel to see people firsthand if you want to make the very best impression. Get serious about what you want to do, and you will find your way to the top.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You’ll make a great impression. Your perfectionism will be appreciated and your talents drawn upon in order to get things done. You can make some financial changes that will better suit your needs.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You have to follow your heart not what someone else wants you to do. Think about a partnership that will enhance your reputation in an industry that you want to be part of. Don’t give up your goals because of someone else’s possessiveness.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You can talk all you want and even make some headway with business projects. However, when it comes to personal matters, listen for now and refrain from making a move or a decision. A problem with competition will need immediate attention.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): A money matter may be costly. Problems with a lover or someone who wants you to pay upfront for something questionable must be dealt with before you can relax. Take care of matters with class, dignity, and finesse.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Pay close attention to legal and financial matters. Someone may try to talk you out of something you should be taking part in. A problem with a neighbor or friend may preoccupy your mind, causing you to miss out on something good.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Let someone you’ve relied on in the past take over if you don’t have it in you to complete what you started. Regroup; rethink your plans. You may have chosen the wrong direction, so consider making some alterations.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Look to the future with optimism. You should be able to use some of the people you’ve worked with in the past to get something off the ground now. An interesting partnership can be formed, but be prepared to make some concessions.





Lease language to be wary of when apartment hunting:

by Andrew Juhl

• “The property management company takes no responsibility for the management of the aforementioned property.”

• “Effective move-in date is June 31, 2009. Moving in on any other date will incur a fine.”

• “Only one pet per undersigned tenant in permitted. Having more than one pet, or a pet deemed ugly or stupidly named by the property management company will result in the assessment of a fine. Multiple fish will be counted as multiple pets.”

• “Occupancy of apartment for period of more than three hours per day (or more than five days per week) will be considered excessive and will result in the assessment of a fine.”

• “Playing music at any volume at any time of day will not be tolerated and will result in a fine. Using headphones to avoid paying this fine will result in the assessment of a fine. All music-related fines will be monetarily determined based on a subjective judgment of how shitty the undersigned tenant(s)’ musical taste is.”

• “The property management company is entitled to 15 percent of the gross revenue from any grow house or meth lab located on the aforementioned property.”

• “After the undersigned tenant(s) vacate, fines will be assessed for all damages made to the aforementioned property requiring repair, including damages made by all past and future tenants.”

• “The undersigned tenant(s) agrees not to paint over any pentagrams found on the aforementioned property.”

• “Incurring no fines over the duration of the lease agreement shall result in the assessment of fine.”

• “Signing this contract will result in the assessment of a fine.”

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