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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Problems at home can cause emotional flare-ups, but if you focus on what you can do outside the home, you will fare much better. There should be no power plays going on in your life. Back away from controversy, hearsay, and game-playing people.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Consider what’s missing from your life. You need a hobby or something that brings you joy if you want to feel content with life. Once you make the needed changes, the rest will come easy.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): By helping others, finding solutions or making reforms, your reputation will be enhanced. Offer your services, talents, and know-how, and you will build a solid following of individuals capable of helping you reach your goals.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): A problem with love will mount if you bring your thoughts and feelings out into the open. You will not like the results you get if you are possessive or demanding. Go about your business, and avoid feuds.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Unexpected change will be the result of a chance meeting with a new acquaintance. By taking part in events you have not been involved with in the past, new opportunities will develop. Love is in the stars, so complete plans for the weekend.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Re-evaluate your position, and you’ll realize what you are up against and what you must do to get things to work. Deal with a money matter promptly. Don’t let someone you love cost you financially.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You will feel emotional regarding home and work relationships. Don’t overreact. Someone who recognizes you aren’t on top of your game will challenge you. Avoid turmoil by removing yourself from the line of fire.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You have to take care of things yourself if you want them done properly and on time. You will have more options than what someone is giving you. Back away from a force play. You can do better on your own.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Protect your assets. Deals can be signed, sealed, and delivered if you are pushy. You will be able to make the changes you’ve wanted to make at home and to your financial portfolio. A legal matter can be resolved.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Someone you have other interests in may offer you a partnership. Your closest adviser will caution you not to mix business with pleasure. Time is on your side, giving you the room to take in all that’s being offered as well as what will be expected of you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Make some adjustments to your current lifestyle, and you will find ways to adjust your income or means of making cash. There is an opportunity to take on a position that will not affect your current status but will benefit you financially and personally.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You can make the personal changes that will boost your confidence and give you a new lease on life. A serious emotional realization will benefit a relationship you are in and help you make a decision to ease your financial burden.
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Common Internet chat acronyms, what they mean, and what my mother thinks they mean: by Andrew Juhl
• AFK (I’m away from the keyboard): Please send me a ridiculous number of instant messages wondering where I am and what I am doing until I return. Also, maybe you should give me a call asking me where I am and what I am doing.
• B4 (before): nonsensical gibberish holds no conceivable meaning to my mother.
• TMI (You have told me too much information about personal life): Please, tell me more information about your personal life.
• MYOB (Mind your own business): Please ask me about my obstetrician.
• BRB (I’ll be right back): see “AFK.”
• A/S/L? (Please tell me your age, sex, and current location.): Hello, I’m someone you’ve never met but should consider giving your credit-card number.
• FAQ (frequently asked questions): Probably a dirty word. Best never to use it.
• IDK (I don’t know): Ask me again, but in a more condescending way.
• TTYL (talk to you later): doesn’t know, but it’s definitely something sexual. Those perverts are everywhere on the Perverts are everywhere on the googlesofts, don’t you know.
• MILF (you know damned well what MILF means): A common misspelling of the word “milk,” and judging from the sheer number of people asking her if she’s got any, my mom now thinks our nation’s calcium needs are going woefully unmet.
• NSFW (Not safe for viewing at work): CLICK ME! CLICK ME! CLICK ME!
• LOL (I’m laughing out loud): Has no actual meaning but must be typed before hitting the return key for an instant message to properly transmit through the intertubes of the webbernet.
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