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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Not much will be out in the open for you to see. You rely on your intuition to guide you. Keep things to yourself to avoid rumors and interference. Trust what you know as fact.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You have a chance to make some changes by talking to people in a position to help you. A short trip will pay off. The knowledge you gain can benefit you in the future.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You are better off going it alone. You can make a much greater statement if you take charge and figure things out for yourself. A problem with a younger or older relative or friend will lead you to do something to relieve the stress you’ve been feeling.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Stop procrastinating when you have so much to gain by taking the next step. An interesting proposal will come your way. You can make a good impression by suggesting unusual but simple ways to make things more efficient.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Listen to what’s being said rather than taking the spotlight. If you speak too openly about your plans, you will face opposition. Someone may not be honest with you about a contract or financial situation.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Caution must be taken when you are considering making property or domestic changes or purchases. A chance to do something romantic will lead to a much better relationship with the person you adore.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Network all you can. Dealing with children, friends, and lovers will prove to be interesting and will enable you to take a position of authority. Start a new interest that offers you a creative outlet.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You have to get out and interact with others if you want to promote your project. By taking time to nurture a personal or business partnership, you can develop an excellent rapport that will complement what you are trying to accomplish. Correct domestic problems.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You’ll be prone to exaggerate, and if you do, someone will call your bluff, putting you in an awkward and embarrassing position. You will have to deal with family problems. This is not the time to ignore what’s going on around you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Someone from your past will remind you of something you always wanted to do. A unique way of approaching something or someone will grab attention that can prompt a deal or proposal. Financially beneficial changes can be made.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Uncertainty may cause emotional issues to rise to the surface. Don’t give in to anyone trying to push her or his ideas on you, but be careful not to let your anger show. Deception is apparent, so check facts carefully.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The more vocal you are, the more you will accomplish. You will have a way of putting things that will be undeniably clever and should help you win whatever war you are waging. This is a great time for advancement, looking for work, or starting your own business.





Lesser-Known X-TREME Sports:

by Andrew Juhl

• X-TREME Napping: All this sport requires is a couch, a liter of Ketel One, and a four-day weekend. Anything under 12 hours is considered a false start.

• X-TREME Bass Fishing: Just like regular bass fishing, but you try to do it without drinking the six-pack you brought with you. Only for the most iron-willed of competitors.

• X-TREME Arbitration: One player is placed in a 5-foot-by-5-foot windless room with no food or water along with a pair of embittered spouses going through a nasty divorce after 15-plus years of marriage. Clock stops at first blood. Game stops when death does them part.

• X-TREME Faith-Based Delivery Estimation: Players inject themselves with a deadly, slow-acting poison and then order the antidote online directly afterwards. Shipping option? FedEx. Double balls if they go Economy Ground.

• X-TREME Easter Sunday: Head-to-head event where two people eat nothing but Peeps until one opponent either poops themselves or dies. If your opponent does both at once, your insulin shots are free for a year.

• X-TREME Birthing: Once contractions start, the pregnant female must sprint 5K to the hospital and deliver vaginally. Timed Event. Requires twins or better to place.

• X-TREME Street Luge: Just like regular street luge, but without the luge. And you’re on fire.

• X-TREME Denial: You attempt to convince yourself you never really wanted to go to grad school in the first place.

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