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ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you become overly zealous and talkative, you may give away an idea you have to someone less creative. Secrets and underhandedness on your part or that of someone else will bring you down. Don’t get involved.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Take a good look at your investments, bank, and credit-card balances and any joint ventures you are involved in. Assess your position and your alternatives. This is not the time to lend, borrow, or take a chance.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t let life’s little problems cause you grief. If you are irritated by someone you thought you could rely on, you could say something that will cost you down the road. Don’t change your plans because someone else does.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You have nothing to fear, so jump into a new project or group that offers something a little different from what you are used to. Don’t let your feelings confuse you. Don’t let anyone play on your emotions.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your big heart, generosity, and outspokenness will tempt others to take advantage of you. Don’t promise anyone anything unless you can afford it. Trips and negotiations should be put on hold until you have a better chance of getting your way.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You don’t have to make a move if you aren’t ready. Question anyone who is erratic or using emotional blackmail to coerce you. Now is not the time to spend money on your home or donate or pay for others.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You can add a little extra flavor to your life if you try something new. The friends you make and the inspiration you get along the way will lead to positive changes. Team up with someone who values your skills, technique, and your friendship.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You need to be around people who encourage and inspire you. Personal and professional partnerships will grow if you mingle and network. You can develop or take a new approach.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): If you haven’t built a strong tie to a group you have been dealing with, you may be cut out when you least expect. Honesty and integrity will be a necessity. Underhandedness will catch up with you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You have plenty of good ideas to put into play, and if you give them a distinctive spin, you will attract interest in what you are doing. Don’t give in to anyone looking for a handout or donation or negotiating an unfair deal.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You may be in a generous mood, but before you fall for a sob story, consider where your money is best spent. Take into consideration what you can do to make your life, and that of your family, better. Don’t be too eager to make changes or decisions.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Sit tight, and watch to see what everyone else does. If you jump the gun or make a move that isn’t well received, you will have trouble reversing your decision. Problems with personal and professional partnerships will develop.

 

 

 

 


Andrew R. Juhl, Professor of Letters:

by Andrew Juhl


• Dear Weekend: You sucked. I want a refund. I wanted one tolerable “weekend with my family.” Instead, I received one tolerable “extended weekend with my extended family.” No, I do not consider this a free upgrade; it is not what I ordered. Please refund me my weekend, or — at the very least — credit me 48 hours towards the future weekend of my choice.

• Dear Merriam, My Cat: It appears that you stole part of my banana when I went to the kitchen for some orange juice, and that you drank some of my orange juice when I went to the kitchen to throw away the banana peel. Thanks for staying on this diet with me.

• Dear April: I believe we’re only supposed to be receiving showers at the moment, with May flowers to follow. If you continue delivering your precipitation in the forms of sleet and snow, then I must insist — on behalf of all Iowans — that you compensate by also instructing May to deliver its vegetation in the form of opium poppies and coca plants.

• Dear Webster, My Other Cat: Bad kitty! You’ve been a very naughty kitt — stop it. Don’t look at me that way. You’re not getting off so easily this time. Don’t you flop over. Stop purring. I’m mad. I mean it. I’m mad. Stop. Purring. … I’m gonna … gonna … Who’s my wittle kittle? Who’s my wittle kittle. You are! That’s right. You are! Good boy.

• Dear Guy Who Cut Me Off this Morning with the “WWJD” Bumper Sticker on His Car: Signal. Jesus would signal before entering traffic. That’s because Jesus wasn’t an asshole.








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