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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You’ll teeter back and forth about an emotional issue. You have to make a decision one way or another. Ask someone you’ve worked with in the past to step in and form a partnership for future developments.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Someone from your past will challenge you emotionally. Don’t give in. Rely on your past experience and your practicality, and you will make the best choice for yourself.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Lean on someone who has leaned on you in the past, and you will get what you need and want to get ahead in the world. Your ideas can lead to the go-ahead from senior people, altering your life financially. Avoid procrastinators.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Make some alterations to your appearance or get involved in a self-improvement package. The people you do business with will view your change in attitude and outlook as being positive and progressive. Stabilize your position at home.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t give anyone the wrong impression, or you will end up entangled in an emotional confrontation. Playing one person against another may initially work, but long-term, it will come back to haunt you. A financial deal will not be as simple as you first thought.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You can talk your way in and out of anything, so start expressing your thoughts and desires, and get things you want signed, sealed, and delivered. This is an ideal time to make the changes you’ve been contemplating.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t let your emotions cause you to miss out on something you want to do. Love is in the stars, and whether you are in a relationship or not, things will be exceptionally favorable for you in the romance department.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Focus on the positive, and ignore any negative issues you are facing for now. You can make some fabulous changes physically, mentally, and with regard to your relationships. The experience and knowledge you pick up will lead to positive decisions.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t make any quick transactions regarding your home, people you do business with, or even your friends. Any decision you make will lead to future problems. Let the dust settle before you take action. Your strategy will be what counts.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): There is plenty you can do to manipulate any situation or deal so that you can win. Don’t let a relationship matter slow you down or cause you to miss out on something you want to pursue.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Be very careful how you approach people. You will be taken literally and may be made to look bad if you cannot defend your beliefs. Solidify your investments and budget so you can afford to make some improvements to your home and to yourself.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don’t look back when it’s what’s ahead that counts. Place your thoughts and your energy into personal changes so you can move on. Your experience will help you regain something you lost. It never hurts to make up and move on.





Overheard in Iowa City (Guy Edition):

by Andrew Juhl

I’ve had Hannah Montana in my head all morning. Maybe it’s a sign. Maybe she’s coming.
— One brah, to his bros.

Guy 1: Where’s my phone?
Guy 2: You traded it for a Jäger bomb.
Guy 1: Oh yeah … Worth it.
— The next afternoon (or morning, depending how you look at it).

I love walking down this hallway when I’m drunk. It’s like a kid in a candy store. There are so many things to rip down and so many rooms to go into!
— One guy to another in Hillcrest.

Guy 1: Wanna watch “Lost” together tonight?
Guy 2: Not really.
Guy 1: Aww, man. What happened to us? We used to be close.
Guy 2: We also used to not know each other. It’s all perspective.
— Roommates wearing thin.

It’s carrion. What’d you think it would smell like? Lavender and Sunkist?
— Guy waiting for class to start.

I feel like I have an STD just from standing next to him.
— Probably not a pre-med, near Currier.

Guy 1: I miss [presumed ex’s name].
Guy 2: Well, if you liked it, then you should’ve put a ring on it.
Guy 3: Yeah. If you liked it, then you should’ve put a ring on it.
Guy 2: Don’t be mad now that you know you want it.
Guy 3: If you liked it, then you should’ve put a ring on it.
Guy 1: [Silence.]
— Three guys at Donnelly’s, two of whom I’d like to buy a beer.

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