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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Keep a lid on private matters. You don’t want to be embarrassed. Someone is likely to push you to do something that doesn’t sit right with you. Stick to your standards, and keep things out in the open.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t let uncertainties get you down. When things aren’t clear-cut, wait until you understand the implications before you make a decision. Someone you respect will give you a different perspective.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Dazzle everyone with your compassion, creativity, and desire to do something unique. You will impress the people who can influence your life and, in turn, get the introductions you need to reach your goals. Friendship is in the stars.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Social events may lead to an embarrassing situation if you have been withholding information or gossiping. Someone may put the pressure on you to do more than your fair share. Don’t be afraid to say no.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Things look bright, and a chance to make a difference is apparent. Alter anything at home that isn’t to your liking, and you will ease your stress and encourage the people you care about to do the same. Love is on the rise.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Don’t take no for an answer. Follow through, and make sure everyone is pulling her or his weight. You can control the outcome of a tenuous situation by staying on top of what everyone else is doing.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your emotions will push you to take action, but don’t do the wrong thing because you aren’t happy with someone. Instead, focus on your creative outlets. Get involved with someone who can expand your interests and outlook.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t be fooled by appearances. You have to get the story straight and stick to what you believe. Nothing can be resolved easily, but at least if you know what you are dealing with, you stand a better chance of getting a fair shake.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Approach something you’ve been trying to accomplish from a different angle, and you will have better luck. Talk to people with whom you used to associate professionally or personally. With a clear attitude and plan, you can finish what you started.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Listen, but don’t get involved in someone else’s scheme. Once you recognize what needs to be done, you can go it alone and do much better. Partnerships are not your best bet at the moment.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Something good will come of an upset you recently endured. A gift, winning, or gain of some sort is heading your way. A old friend will remind you of something you used to do that will help you achieve something you want now.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don’t take a back seat to anyone who is causing trouble for you. In order to make the most of an upcoming opportunity, you must temper any emotional issues. You can manipulate the situation in your favor.

 

 

 

 


Overheard in Iowa City:

by Andrew Juhl


“When I visited [the UI], I saw a hawk eat a squirrel … and that’s what made me want to come here.”
– A guy to a group of women.

“He has thighs of steel, and he was squishing my head so hard I thought I was going to explode!”
– A woman on the bus to her friends.

“… and that’s when I swore to myself I would never go to a football game sober again.”
– A (different) woman on a bus to whomever.

Guy: “I want a sloth I can ride like a horse.”
Girl: “I love sloths.”
– A sloth-like couple, walking near Macbride.

Guy: “I really like pancakes.”
Girl: “Yeah well, I exposed myself in an IHOP, once.”
— A pair of foodies or fetishists, near Schaeffer.

“Last night, I farted on a guy … and he thought my phone vibrated.”
– Technology being undermined by females at the Hillcrest Marketplace.

Girl 1: So I had the weirdest dream last night. I had this puppy, and I was holding it, and then I dropped it and broke its leg.
Girl 2: Oh my god.
Girl 1: Yeah, I know. And then it got hit by a bus.
Girl 2: Oh my god. What is wrong with you?
Girl 1: I don’t know … but I have dreams like that a lot …
— At the Hillcrest Marketplace; maybe it’s something in the food?








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