New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Don’t be too hard on others, or you may have to do all the work on your own. Encouragement and optimism will carry you to the finish line. You will make the best impression by being cost- and time-efficient.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You’ve got to be strong and determined if you want things to go your way. Do not put up with game-playing or maneuvering. This is no time to falter when so much is on the line. Turn changes into a positive.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Put your attributes to the test, and don’t give in to emotional issues. Expect someone who depends on you to give you grief. You can make some extra cash, but don’t pay for someone else’s mistakes. An opportunity is coming down the pipeline.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Accepting change is necessary if you want to avoid getting stuck with someone else’s responsibilities. Put a little extra effort in at home, and you will feel better about your place and surroundings.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): There is more to what’s going on around you than you realize. Remember things you endured as a child, and you will know exactly what to do with the situation you face now. Sudden changes in contracts or financial affairs are likely.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Put passion first and anger last. Do not get manipulated into something that won’t work for you. If you don’t like the information you are being given, research until you find a way to overcome whatever you are facing.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Something is going on behind your back. Networking and openly discussing what you would like to see happen will have a lot of clout and help you stay in whatever game you are playing. Don’t allow anyone to push you around.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You can change the canvas if you apply your creative talent and your know-how to get what you want. A problem at home may have you questioning your personal relationships. You will feel better once you address a misconception.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Expect anyone you have been unfair with to retaliate. You may have to back down if you don’t want to be embarrassed. Arguing will only add to your frustration. Expand your circle of friends.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’ve got more control than you think. You can stabilize your position by making a few changes to the way you do things. Don’t give in to someone you love when he or she is asking for too much.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Look back at your life and the people who have come and gone. If there is someone you wish to hook up with, do so. Making the effort will likely change the course of your life. Love is on the rise.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You’ll be torn between what you can and cannot do. Someone may challenge you and what you know. Back away from controversy until you have a better handle on the way you really feel.





Seven surefire ways to deflect telemarketers:

by Andrew Juhl

• Ask their name. Then ask them to spell it. Now ask them the origin of their name. Then ask them what company they’re calling from. Now ask them to spell it. Finally, ask them the origin of their company’s name. Assuming they haven’t hung up yet, ask them their name. Then ask them to spell it …

• Politely explain that this isn’t your phone, it’s the phone of the person whose house you’ve just broken into, but you’ll gladly go untie and un-gag them to see if they’re interested.

• Just answer everything they say — question or statement — with the word “pants.” Why? Because “pants” is funniest word ever.

• Treat them as a free psychoanalyst. See if you can recover any lost memories from your tortured youth. If you can’t, see if you can uncover any lost memories from the telemarketer’s tortured youth. Don’t give up. The memories are there. I’ll guarantee it.

• “I’m sorry, ma’am. This is the county morgue. We do have someone here by that name, but he’s not exactly available to talk at the moment …”

• If there’s a considerable pause between when you pick up and when the telemarketer does, tearfully exclaim “THANK GOD YOU ANSWERED!! I’VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU!!”

• If they call while you’re watching TV, simply explain that you’re interested, but you’re in the middle of something, and will they please stay on the line. Go back to watching TV. Keep checking in with them during commercial breaks, and make a game out of seeing how long you can keep them on the line. (My personal best is 53 minutes.)

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