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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Watch out, or you’ll find yourself trapped in an emotional situation that will not be easy for you to fix. Be ready to make whatever changes are required without a fuss. Don’t upset someone who depends on you.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You can’t depend on others to do the work for you. Change that you do not like will be ushered in if you leave things up to someone else. Don’t be afraid to charge for the work you put in.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Take a chance on someone willing to go along with change and you will surpass the competition. Your ability to see the possibilities and go after your dreams will cause upset for someone less visionary.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Push for what you want. Emotional issues will be brought out in the open. Address them quickly, or you will face embarrassment. A change at work will lead to a new position.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You are in control and ready to take action. Believe in what you are trying to accomplish. Travel in order to have a face-to-face conversation with whoever is making a final decision.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Take a serious look at who’s on your side and who isn’t. Change is necessary, and although it may be difficult, it will help you resolve long-term issues that have been holding you back. Re-evaluate and eliminate.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Avoid anyone who is trying to manipulate you. Now is not the time to fight over something that just isn’t going to work for you. Learn to say no, and stick to your decision.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You really need to get away or work on something creative to take your mind off the harsher realities of life. You can recharge your batteries and forge ahead with a project you’ve been trying to finish.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t spend what you don’t have or borrow what you probably cannot pay back. Restrict your habits, and re-establish your position so you can get ahead instead of further behind. Love is looking favorable.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You have to treat everyone equally and hope that you will get the same in return. A problem with someone you love will develop if you haven’t paid her or him enough attention. Travel should be kept to a minimum.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You can make some extra cash by putting your talents to work. You can drum up demand for services you have to offer and build your own small business from the ground up. Someone from your past will have greater respect for you now.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Give everything you’ve got to a hobby or interest you enjoy, and you may be able to turn it into a lucrative pastime. Don’t let someone else’s negativity stop you. If someone pushes you, don’t be afraid to push back.

 

 

 

 


The final few things I learned from a lifetime of watching movies:

by Andrew Juhl


• Invoking massive amounts of black magic and/or performing substantial dark rituals always bring forth roiling thunderclouds and lightning. Normally, voyaging to the epicenter of the swirling nimbi is by far the easiest way to locate the desired nefarious warlock.

• The oldest guy on the team can only be counted on to make the play if it occurs during the final minutes of the last game before his retirement.

• Massive, well-furnished Manhattan apartments are within the price range of coffee-shop baristas, failing small-business owners, and bad temps.

• Dangerous gatherings of organized criminals should always be investigated further by a single individual devoid of any method of calling for backup.

• Poisons and diseases that take days or weeks to slowly kill a person can be counteracted and eradicated with a proper antidote in under 24 hours and will leave no lasting physical damage.

• It is not-at-all uncommon for a brother and sister to have different hair and eye colors, starkly different skin tones, and noticeably different accents.

• For two large spaceships to battle each other, they must first be positioned along parallel horizontal axes — even in space.

• A child will not care if his father is arguing cases in Supreme Court, solving murders, or brokering billion-dollar business deals; all a child knows is that his father missed the school play, and for that there is no good excuse. This is because children are all morons, which goes a long way toward explaining their 100 percent kidnappability rate.








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