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ARIES (March 21-April 19): You can afford to be a little impulsive if you are also ready to go the distance. Being sure of your next move will enhance the confidence that others have in you. Look for any opportunity for greater financial security.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It’s a slow, steady pace that will lead to achievement. A sensitive issue can now be brought out in the open and fixed to your liking. Don’t back away from change when that’s what’s required.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Someone will take advantage of you if you are too open about your plans and ideas. Be a little more discreet if you want to get the credit you deserve for the work you put in. Stand up for your rights and your beliefs.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Surprise everyone by bringing about some much-needed change. If you are the one who is stepping out on the limb, you will also be the one to benefit in the end. A trip will reinforce how important a role you play in both your personal and professional life.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Changing your mind too much may be costly. When it comes to finances, you have to be precise and willing to say no to any deal you don’t like. Love should be high on your list. You can have fun, but make sure your work is complete beforehand.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Kick back, and have a little fun. Participate in some activities that will get your heart pumping and enable you to make some new friends. A change in the way you think and do things will set the standard for the future.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Uncertainty and adversity at work should push you in a new and creative direction. Believe in yourself. Before you know it, you will be looking at your options a little more optimistically. Love is on the rise.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Don’t confuse matters by feeling you have to explain everything you do. Step into the real world, and don’t be afraid to do things the way you feel they work best for you. A creative outlet will turn into a moneymaker.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Reconsider your position and the people with whom you are sharing information. There may be someone trying to sabotage something you are trying to get off the ground. Don’t let your emotions take over.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may want to make a few adjustments to a deal you are involved in. Protect your position and your assets from anyone who is pushy or aggressive. Don’t be afraid to back away if you are uncertain.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A memory about someone from your past may be an eye-opener. Don’t be too quick to give out personal information or let this person have access to your home or belongings. Take the safe route.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You’ll be able to manipulate a situation you face, helping you get ahead. Don’t be afraid to make some dramatic changes. You can rely on someone who has the experience to carry matters you want finished to the end.





A few more things I learned from a lifetime of watching movies:

by Andrew Juhl

• Watching the road while one is driving is as unnecessary as worrying if there’s anything sharp or rusty in a Dumpster one is about to dive into.

• The pinnacle of human technology will be spacecraft conveyed through the vast recesses of the universe via the power of steam and CO2, both of which will vent from any severed tube should such a ship suffer damage.

• It is possibly to survive a fall from any height, provided one lands in a body of water. For this reason, waterfalls are the safest method of rapid vertical descent known to mankind.

• All bombs can be defused. The idea of a bomb that isn’t able to be defused is ridiculous, for terrorists — as a group — are safety-conscious types.

• A nearly-diaphanous skintight leather body suit is the perfect female attire for any assassination attempt, burglary, or reconnaissance work because it: offers considerable physical protection, provides for a fantastic range of motion, is completely silent as it shifts, is incredibly forgiving to a person’s physique, and allows the body to breathe during sustained physical activity. Also: BOOBIES!

• Any photograph can be enhanced thousands of times beyond the resolution it was originally taken. This is why the Hubble Space Telescope was a needless government expenditure.

• Sports victories are only satisfying if they are come-from-behind wins; soundly defeating one’s opponent over the course of an entire game is considered the lowest form of sportsmanship.

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