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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Emotions will be difficult to control, and it will be vital that you do your best to keep the peace. Far more will be accomplished if you are willing to compromise. Love will evolve if you get involved in social events.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Toe the line, and do what’s asked of you if you don’t want to end up looking bad. You will have to talk your way out of a sticky situation if you have been meddling or have let a secret be revealed.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Whether it is a relationship, a project, a new budget, a diet, or health regime you are trying to incorporate into your life, now is a great time to start. Work toward anything that leads to greater profits, higher position, or recognition for your talent.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Stand your ground, and refuse to let someone push you around or upset you. Don’t expect to agree with the people you are dealing with personally, socially, or emotionally. Focus on work, getting ahead and doing your own thing.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Plan an event at your place, and you will enhance your chance of getting the financial backing you need. Love is in the stars, and traveling will ensure that you meet someone who interests you on many different levels.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Talks, group initiatives, and getting together with people who are working toward the same goals will be enlightening. Your input may lead to a partnership. Progressive action will draw attention, personally, and professionally.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your ability to visualize what you want and to express it vividly to others will enhance your chance of achieving your goals. You can barter with ease and feel comfortable making promises that you know you can keep.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You have a lot to take care of, and if you falter, you will be faced with difficult emotional issues. Be aware that someone who is dependent on you is likely to make demands. Accommodate others as best you can.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You are ready to have some fun, so let your imagination take over. You will impress everyone with your natural talent and ability to take on new tasks with confidence. A love relationship will take on a new flavor.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): It’s worth taking a closer look at all your relationships and deciding who is on your team and who isn’t. Don’t allow someone to dump her or his responsibilities on you when you have plenty to do already.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you believe you can do something, so will everyone else. Take a fresh look at old ideas, and you will find ways to implement them with current projects to come up with a winning combination. Romance is in the stars.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You have talents that can pull in some cash if you market your services. Don’t sell yourself short. Check into the rules and regulations that are applicable to what you want to do.

 

 

 

 


A partial list of things I should probably tell every prospective girlfriend:

by Andrew Juhl


• I refuse to tip more than 20 percent — any more than that and my poor balance causes me to fall over.

• I get angrier than any rational person should whenever “USA” isn’t at the top of pull down menu in an online form.

• Similarly, I will also immediately and forever hate anyone I see who still types “http://www.” before a website’s name in the address bar.

• I have the almost preternatural ability to tell if a woman’s breasts are real or fake simply by squeezing them for a few minutes.

• I am ever wary of any food described as “an acquired taste.” Well, at least the first time.

• I think there are very few things sexier than a woman wearing men’s underwear — even if it’s only socks. Especially when it’s only socks.

• I only tolerate nonconformity when it’s done on my terms.

• I won’t allow myself to be alone in a car with anyone who would rather eat at a Perkins than an IHOP.

• I am a huge aficionado of all the fine arts: paintings, sculptures, classical music, and cow-tipping.

• Even though it’s considered “gay” by society, I still really like rainbows and having intercourse with men.

• I think daylights saving time should be renamed “Hey, Andrew. You’re tall. Can you reach that clock and change it?” Day.









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