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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Nurture partnerships of all kinds in order to get the most from each encounter. Mingling and getting along with others will allow you to break new ground for future dealings. Love is in the stars.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Keep things simple, to the point, and cost-efficient; you will score points. Use your voice as a tool to persuade others to help you. A strong figure in your life will guide you with her or his expertise.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Use your Gemini ingenuity to mastermind whatever needs to be done to make things unfold the way you want. There is money to be made, and by mixing business with pleasure, you can network yourself into a good position.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t confuse your personal feelings with your professional needs. It’s important to see situations clearly in order to make the best decision. Consider all facets of each situation rather than impulsively declining.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Travel, socializing, and getting to know someone you love that much better will all be to your advantage. Be prepared to take a walk down memory lane, and learn from the experiences you have already encountered.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You are better off throwing your efforts behind your work. Talk is fine, but if action isn’t taken, all the words will be wasted and your reputation hurt. Don’t spend because you are depressed or want to win someone’s affection.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You will have to hold things together, even if you are a little emotionally fragile. Social events and activities that will help you bring about change will lead to some great friendships. Be an innovative and imaginative leader.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Lean toward the unusual, and pull in from resources that most would never think to use. You will surprise everyone with your clear-cut vision and ability to pull things together. Don’t let someone else’s bragging upset your plans or your world.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Love and romance are looking very good if you plan an intimate evening for two. Don’t give in to someone trying to upset your plans. You will learn something new that may leave you questioning what you really want.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Do not let any emotional matter or love problem interfere with what you need to accomplish. A trip will cost more or lead to emotional turmoil that you should be trying to avoid. Don’t fall for someone who is trying to take advantage of you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You are ready, determined, and able to make a difference as long as you do so without brute force. If you talk constructively about your plans, you can get others to jump on board and help you finish what you started.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Keep a tight lid on what you are trying to do. It will be the element of surprise that will be the talk of the town. Your insight will help you make the right choices. A love issue is likely to arise, so prepare to talk matters through.

 

 

 

 


Questions you don’t want to be asked in a job interview:

by Andrew Juhl


• Does my ass look particularly huge in these culottes or what?

• Would you like to postpone the interview for a few hours — until after you’ve had a chance to sober up a bit?

• So, you must be leaving directly from here to go someplace skanky?

• Would you have a problem working alongside multiple reformed felons?

• How about one reformed multiple felon?

• In a pinch, would you be willing to part with your redundant organs — you know, a kidney, a lung, two or three chambers of your heart — if one of our CEOs had need of it?

• Hey, didn’t I see you at the strip club for last Thursday’s amateur night?

• Is the pimple on your forehead oozing?

• How fast can you run? Any military training? How are you with a gun? Hand-to-hand combat? If cornered, can you be expected to react with deadly force? Good, good. Can you start immediately?

• Are those real? Really? Can I touch ’em?

• I don’t know. How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

• What is the speed of light in angstroms per Svedberg?

• Is that smell coming from you?

• Well I’m sorry, but you’re laughably unsuited for this position and have now wasted 22 minutes of my time … which amounts to $11.23. Cash or check?

• Juhl? You’re not related to that no-talent hack who writes the Ledge, are you?









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