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ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you allow your emotions to take over and become impulsive in your actions, you will make mistakes that will be hard to reverse. Take a watchful approach to whatever is going on. Now is not the time to share or to give too much to others.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You can expect someone to come through for you at the last minute. Believe in what you are trying to accomplish and in your abilities, and everything will turn in your favor. Questions should not deter you from pressing forward.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Don’t lose sight of your goals. Concentrate more on the task that is required of you without getting sidetracked by someone who doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Emotional demands may be hard to deal with, but you have to be prepared to say no and move on.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Tie up paperwork and odd jobs you’ve left undone. You can make changes to your environment that will help you move in a new and profitable direction. Consider how to apply what you have learned.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Forget about what everyone else wants from you. Start to do the things that mean the most to you, and you will find your calling. Put your charismatic charm to work for you, and you will soon have others willing to support your efforts.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Work must come first. There is no time to waste on things that don’t matter. Your reputation and your future will depend on what you do now. Don’t let love cost you financially or professionally.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You’ll have trouble controlling your emotions. Don’t let this put you in a compromising position. Take care of your responsibilities before someone complains. Your friends will wait for you, so put work first.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Get past what everyone else is doing or saying, and follow your instincts. It’s not how long it takes you to get something done, it’s how detailed and accomplished you have been. Patience will be required.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You’ll have to pull yourself together, especially if someone is causing personal uncertainty. Keep your thoughts a secret, and don’t meddle in someone else’s business.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): There is something coming down the pipeline that you won’t want to miss out on. Look for an unusual investment or deal. Don’t let someone else’s uncertainty hold you back when you know your timing is right. Cover your back, and protect your assets.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If someone is asking too many questions, back away until you feel comfortable giving out that information. Preparation will be the key to staying out of the line of fire. Be ready to deal with what anyone throws your way.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don’t let anyone push you when you aren’t sure what you want. Stand firm, and make up your mind. Taking action will show you mean business and cannot be manipulated.

 

 

 

 


We hold these truths to be self-evident (and a little nerdy)

by Andrew Juhl


• Luke would’ve been totally owned by Anakin if they had both fought each other in their prime.

• After seeing the three-boobed lady in Total Recall for the first time, it takes the average man roughly a day to be able to at-all appreciate a regular two-boobed woman.

• Screw Sauron; for my money the real Lord of the Rings is the Mandarin.

• Hagrid’s father was a wizard, and his mother was of the race of giants, meaning that the one spell I would be most likely to use does, in fact, already exist in the Harry Potter universe.

• One would think “Can offer you guaranteed protection from all things dragon” would get me more hits on Match.Com.

• Any superhero conversation that devolves into which Earth a character comes from has officially devolved too far.

• The question “Does the penitent man also kneel before Zod, and — if so — shall he still pass?” will bring almost any WoW party to a screeching halt faster than you can say “We’re out of Hot Pockets and Mountain Dew.”

• If C-3PO can be programmed to be fluent in more than 6 million forms of communication, you’d think they could give R2-D2 a frakking voice chip.

• I’d be more likely to watch “American Idol” if the losing contestants were beheaded to release the Quickening. After all, there can be only one.









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