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New Feature! Sudoku below Horoscopes and Ledge, play online or print it out!



ARIES (March 21-April 19): Take note of anyone trying to derail your plans. Emotions will flare, but that may be the only way to deal with matters that have been dragging you down. Change at home and at work are needed to make your life better.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t give away your secrets. Less is more; that someone is probably trying to undermine you is apparent. You can outsmart the opposition if you recognize the tactics being used and reverse the process.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Someone persuasive may try to lead you in a different direction. Take what is said to heart, but don’t take action for the wrong reason. Uncertainty or lack of confidence will hold you back. Believe in yourself.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You will have trouble controlling your emotions. You mustn’t get involved in something or donate to something for the wrong reason. If you are doing it to impress someone, you are making a mistake.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your decision must be your own. Love may be overwhelming, but that doesn’t mean you have to become a clone of the person you admire. Don’t make a financial move based on what you are told or what someone else wants.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): A partnership that has been iffy can now be established with some rules and guidelines to ensure prosperity. A decision you make now will bring you greater freedom in the future. Look at what’s ahead.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You are on a roll, and you cannot let anyone bring you down or put you down. Rise above any negative comments. It may be time to walk away from people in your life who are not conducive to your well-being or success.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You have to follow your own path, not someone else’s. Change is evident, and a sudden or unexpected encounter will help you realize your own potential. Travel, experience, and research will all help you obtain your goals.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You should concentrate on home, family, and sticking to a budget. You can make personal changes that will enhance your relationships and your comfort if you are willing to cut costs. Don’t try to impress others by overspending.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Size up the situation, and prepare to make changes to improve your current relationships. What you do should take others by surprise. This will give you an edge, keep you in control, and help you mold the outcome.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You can secure your position or stabilize your personal life by taking on a part-time job or picking up additional skills. Don’t be fooled by someone who wants to control you. He or she does not have your best interests at heart.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Get involved in something you enjoy, and you will hook up with someone who thinks as you do. If you want to form a partnership, keep emotions out of it, and set the rules regarding who is responsible for what before you get started.

 

 

 

 


100 Shots of Beer in 100 Minutes:

by Andrew Juhl


• Shot 79: Things are about to stop being polite … and start getting real.

• Shot 80: Is that a unicorn in the stove?

• Shot 81: I begin having a discussion with the stove about the unicorn.

• Shot 82: Stove disavows knowledge of the unicorn, and the discussion becomes heated (ha ha).

• Shot 83: I tell stove about my “heated argument” pun.

• Shot 84: Stove refuses to acknowledge my hilariousness.

• Shot 85: I begin argument with stove.

• Shot 86: Stove wins argument.

• Shot 87: Stove is being smug about it.

• Shot 88: It’s a good thing I’m writing all this down, as I really have little hope of remembering it tomorrow.

• Shot 89: I begin to wet myself.

• Shot 90: DON’T LAUGH AT ME, STOVE!!

• Shot 91: I finish wetting myself.

• Shot 92: My vision suddenly goes completely sepia-toned. I wonder if this is something I should worry about.

• Shot 93: I begin to wet various other things around the apartment.

• Shot 94: I CAN PEE WHEREVER I WANT, STOVE! IT’S MY APARTMENT! WHEN YOU START PAYING RENT HERE — OR AT LEAST STOP BURING MY FROZEN PIZZAS — YOU CAN HAVE A SAY ABOUT WHERE AND WHEN I RELIEVE MYSELF, YOU JUDGMENTAL, SELF-CLEANING WHORE OF AN APPLIANCE!

• Shot 95: I apologize to stove for calling it a whore and for peeing on/in it.

• Shot 96: Losing control of my faculties and fearing unconsciousness, I attempt to will myself back to sobriety as a last-ditch effort.

• Shot 97: I think it’s working; dubiously, I seem to be sobering up a bit.

• Shot 98: I AM A GOLDEN GOD!

• Shot 99: I … I can makek it … Just … just one … mooorrrrrrr … …

• Shot 100: N/A.








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