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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your emotions will get the better of you if you engage in disagreements with someone over money or work. Don’t give in to demands or show how upset you really are. A poker face will be far more effective for winning.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t get stuck doing everything for everyone when you should be taking a little time to work on your own projects. A serious look at your life will allow you to realize what’s missing. You may have to make a few alterations.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You have to balance everything out so that you can enjoy the luxury of staying on top. Someone is likely to throw a wrench in your plans, but if you act fast, you can counteract whatever happens and stay on schedule.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Don’t trust your emotions to lead you in the right direction. You are likely to make a poor choice if you give in to someone and neglect something you should be handling with care.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You have all the answers and the energy to make things happen. Partnerships and positive change can help you jump from one area of expertise to another. Your emotional high will magically draw good things your way.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): An investment will pay off if you take action. Sudden changes in your relationship with someone you’ve known for a long time will baffle you at first but liberate you in the end. Taking control will pay off.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): You are in the driver’s seat, and as long as you don’t let go of the wheel, no one will be able to stand in your way. You must terminate poor relationships and develop positive ones that will help you realize your true potential.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You can’t give in to threats, demands, or letting others compromise your own needs and objectives. Someone with more experience will help you. Changes within your personal life will be required if you want to move forward.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Give some thought to how you see your life unfolding from this point on. Working from home will help you to balance out your time and will allow you to think calmly about how to handle the many decisions ahead of you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don’t give in to someone’s emotional whims. Minor mishaps will arise if you aren’t thinking about what you are doing. Proceed with caution. Take care how you navigate your way through talks, detours, and family situations.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you touch enough people with your story, you will gain some positive feedback that can help you move ahead with your plans. You’ll be able to take action and gain greater control over your life.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A secret meeting with someone from your past will clear up a lot of issues. Once you understand where you stand, moving forward will be easy. Make a go of something that means a lot to you.

 

 

 

 


Re-examining a few more well-known sayings:

by Andrew Juhl


• “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” Or, when you have two cats, as I do, it’s next to impossible.

• “Practice makes perfect.” No, practice makes you pissed off when you still suck at something.

• “If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.” Also, you should probably do a good deed or two on your way home.

• “I slept like a baby.” You awoke screaming and crying every 90 minutes while wearing a diaper full of your own piss and excrement? Good for you.

• “History repeats itself.” Doubtful.

• “Time heals all wounds.” Ohhhh, I always thought it was thyme heals all wounds. This explains the constant, painful stinging sensation beneath all of my scabs and probably why nobody will sit next to me on the bus, as well.

• “History repeats itself.” Doubtful.

• “Christ on a crutch.” One might argue that, in its simplicity, this saying compares the cross on which Jesus died to a simple and utilitarian crutch, surreptitiously (and perhaps superciliously) implying that those choosing to display crosses/crucifixes as a markers of their personal faith do little more than advertise their own inability to function in contemporary society without the “crutch” of organized religion supporting their otherwise meaningless existence. I disagree with this argument on many levels, not the least of which being its lack of comedic possibilities. Um … so … have a good weekend?








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