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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Take control if you want to be successful. An unexpected expense may set you back if you haven’t put some cash aside. Someone from your past will have an effect on your life now.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Someone you least expect to cover your back will be there for you. Appreciation will ensure an ally in the future. Disappointment in someone you know well will be an eye-opener. Don’t overreact.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Someone is likely to take advantage of your openness and willingness to share by using your ideas as her or his own. When it comes to launching what you want to do next, the element of surprise will lead to your success.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Put things in perspective. Just because you are taken with someone’s bubbly personality doesn’t mean you should let this person take advantage of you. Consider how you can do what’s being asked of you in such a way that it benefits you.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Be careful what you take on financially. Responsibilities will cause you to question your future and your current status. Take time out to ease your stress by engaging in something you enjoy.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Make your decisions based on logic, not emotions. Concentrate on the present, and forget past misfortunes. You can only move forward once you realize that it’s what you do now that counts.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Let your inhibitions go, and prepare to have some romantic fun. Take things as they come, and enjoy the moment you are in. Self-improvement will come easy, and feeling good about who you are and where you are heading will be the result of the changes you make.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It will be vital that you bring about a few changes if you want to finish what you’ve been working on for so long. Let some of the people you have been connected to in the past go, in order to clear the way for new friendships, partnerships and beginnings.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You will bring on unexpected changes before someone else does, causing you to lose your footing. Compensation may be necessary. A passionate encounter will motivate you to move forward.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Do what you do for a good reason and not because someone is nagging you to do so. Weigh whether or not the relationships in your life are beneficial. You must move forward with your plans. Your money and your reputation are at risk.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your inquisitive mind will lead to an interesting meeting with someone who sparks your enthusiasm. A new direction, profession, or game plan can be put into play. Educational pursuits will turn out to be an excellent choice, leading you on a journey that will change your life.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Stop running in circles when all you really have to do is reassess your position and what needs to be done. It’s actions, not big talk that will get you what you want. Uncertainty will lead to your demise.

 

 


A partial list of things I should probably tell every prospective girlfriend:

by Andrew Juhl


- This one time, I saw an elderly woman trying to fix a flat tire by herself on the shoulder of the interstate in pouring late-October rain, and I slowed down as I drove by so I wouldn’t splash her. Hey, that’s just the kind of guy I am.

- I don’t know the meaning of the word “definition.” (This fact can be verified by checking out my biceps, calves, and abs — or lack each thereof.)

- I a lot look like Brad Pitt naked.

- I often confuse the word “like” with the word “at.”

- I like my steaks rare; I only eat from the flanks of the ibex and okapi.

- I never threaten people with physical violence when they anger me. (Mainly because threats act also as de facto warnings, and I have no desire to allow my victims any preparation time.)

- The last time I used a “Love Tester” machine, it took a Wal-Mart greeter, five firemen, and two Jaws of Life to pry me out from the device (the first Jaws of Life didn’t stand a chance.)

- I have a T-shirt rotation, and I am loath to admit just how strongly I adhere to it. (Example: I have four red shirts, and I always wear them in a row; my friends refer to this monthly occurrence as my “period”).

- I excel in a variety of areas, most notably in overstating my abilities.









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