‘Grey’s Anatomy’ season five drowning in its own suck


Here’s a riddle: What’s hotter than a naked James Franco in a Jacuzzi? To this girl, the answer is the unmatchably sexy man animals known as McDreamy and McSteamy (doctors Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan) of ABC’s hit drama “Grey’s Anatomy.” Patrick Dempsey and Eric Dane, the two actors behind the roles of McDreamy and McSteamy, have magnificent bodies, and I’m happy to have them light up my television screen every Thursday night. But sadly, as season five drowns in its own suck, all I have to say is seriously? Seriously.

I am a devoted “Grey’s Anatomy” viewer and fan. While I didn’t become obsessed with life inside Seattle Grace Hospital until last year, I have watched the seasons start to finish numerous times. In fact, I just emerged from a “Grey’s”-induced viewing coma, which consumed the bulk of my winter vacation. However, this season has produced a multitude of problems, and they need to be recognized.

The first beef I have with “Grey’s,” as all the die-hards call it, this year are the infamous Izzie/Denny sex scenes. OK writers, I know you’re pissed that Katherine Heigl said her role on the show last season wasn’t big enough to warrant an Emmy. Maybe if you had given her more to do, you wouldn’t have to vent on us poor viewers who do not, I repeat DO NOT, want to see Izzie getting it on with a dead guy. Please spare us and send Denny back to the grave and return the poor girl’s sanity. Please.

Continuing on with the theme of awkward relationships, Callie Torres and Erica Hahn? I mean seriously? While I am in no way against a relationship between two females, I’m seriously perturbed by the pairing. Callie has spent the past few seasons hooking up with guys (OK, George was a total mistake, but I’m going to let that one slide), and then she’s suddenly with Hahn? Seriously? That pairing is more awkward and uncomfortable than seeing Richard Simmons fornicating with a woman. Or fornicating with anyone, actually. Apparently producers agreed because “Grey’s” ousted Hahn at the start of the season.

With Hahn’s departure, the “Grey’s” cast is starting to shift in a painfully aggravating way. Take the arrival of masochist doctor Owen Hunt (I’ve taken it upon myself to rename him McFreaky). When he isn’t having the residents glue scalps back together (because that’s how they did it in the war, but McFreaky forgot he was in Seattle), he’s shoving scalpels into pigs and crying on Cristina Yang in the on-call room. That is, when they aren’t busy doing the McNasty, as George O’Malley would put it. Yang and Hunt’s relationship is off in every way possible. It’s about time Cristina got a man, but it would be nice if it was someone sane and semi good-looking, and not played by a homophobe (yeah, Isaiah Washington, I’m talking about you).

While season four left viewers with a fabulous sparkle of possibility in the saga between McDreamy and title character Meredith Grey, season five has thus far failed to deliver any hope that the two will end up together. McDreamy has the ring for Meredith and almost proposed, but then his ex-wife Addison (Kate Walsh Private Practice star) had to make an appearance and ruin it all. Sounds familiar — didn’t she do that a few seasons ago? Are the writers ever going to let “dark and twisty” Meredith be happy with McDreamy? One thing is for sure, the drama surrounding the lovers is getting old faster than Priscilla Presley (yeah, that plastic surgery isn’t fooling anyone).

The sexually confused doctors of Seattle Grace better get their collective shit together before I decide to go suds it up with James Franco instead of staying in for another round of fisticuffs with McDreamy and McSteamy.

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