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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Concentrate on making money. Make a list of all the acquaintances you have made in the past who might be interested in your plans and start cold-calling. Once you have your team together, the rest will be easy.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Don’t believe everything you are told. Anyone trying to discourage you from following your dreams should be shut out of your circle. Home will be your refuge, even if there is someone causing you grief.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Work, partnerships, and love are all looking extremely positive if you make a move. You can advance by sharing your ideas with a superior, by starting your own business, or even by turning something you love into a paying service.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Beware of anyone with a fancy idea trying to get you to invest or donate. Love is in the stars, and with a little Cancer charm, you will entice someone you think is special to engage in a little fun.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You’ve got a lot going for you so harness and run with it. Love, travel, and intrigue are looking positive. Someone you have known for a long time will be interested in what you are doing. Together you can achieve everything you desire.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You can’t put all your hopes on one person or project or you will be disappointed. Expand your way of thinking and be innovative and imaginative if you want to excel. Don’t overspend.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your ingenious ideas and your creative touch will attract a lot of potential partners. Present and promote whatever it is you want, and you will be successful. Love is on the rise.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Protect whatever you cherish. You are up for change, and if you want to maintain certain aspects of your life, it will be necessary to fight for them. Focus on success and positive action.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Take a ride on the wild side, and you will spark enthusiasm in others. Someone will have your vision and stand by your side. Love is reaching an all-time high, and favorable changes at home can be made.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may be feeling a little pushy, but if you aren’t careful, you will end up doing things alone. A short trip or visiting someone who can steer you in the right direction will help you decipher your next step. Volunteer for something you believe in.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A chance to get ahead is evident, and someone who has always been there for you will help. Talk over your plans, and you will get greater insight into what is and isn’t possible. Someone from your past will surface; don’t go there.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): At some point, you have to trust someone, so open up discussions regarding your ideas and plans for the future. Someone from your past can help you. The uncertainties about a past partnership should not stop you.

Thoughts on Thoughts for a Bad Hair Day, by Mary Ellen Edmunds:

by Andrew Juhl


- “Showing up is 78 percent of life.” Apparently, the other 42 percent is making up your own ridiculous and unverifiable statistics.

- “It’s a miracle what a smile can do when someone aims one directly at you!” This also works for handguns.

- “One ingredient for which there is no adequate substitute: YOU.” Tell that to my exes.

- “Gratitude is an attitude.” So is disrespect, biatch.

- “Have you ever gone a whole day without breaking the speed limit? WOW!” Well, there were those seven months I spent in traction after being struck head-on in a crosswalk by a speeding F-150, so yes. But thanks for the thinly veiled condescension. By the way, WHAT ON EARTH DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY HAIR?!

- “It’s hard to be a shadow leader if you don’t know where the sun is.” WHAT THE EVER-LOVING HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! It’s not hard to be a “shadow leader.” It’s not anything to be a “shadow leader.” There is NO SUCH THING as a “shadow leader.” SHADOWS ARE SIMPLY FACTS OF LIGHT AND PHYSICS, YOU KOOKY, CRAP-SPEWING WINDBAG!!

- “And then there was the harried mother who said that one of her acts of charity was to allow her children to live one more day.” … Yeah. OK. That one’s kind of funny.









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